


7-Second Rule: turn f*cking you into a habit

by sameeelove00



Category: Babii, offgun
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Drama, M/M, No Strings Attached, POV MAIN CHARACTER (OFF), Raw - Freeform, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:01:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 33,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28478838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sameeelove00/pseuds/sameeelove00
Summary: Ever heard the seven second rule?Wherein a criminal decides in just seven seconds if you will be their next victim.Same as when I wanted to fuck someone.Seven seconds that’s all I need.
Relationships: Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Comments: 26
Kudos: 172





	1. wet Dream

**Author's Note:**

> read at your own risk *nervous laugh*  
> updates: weekend (s)

‘ …. thank you for trusting Smile International Airlines, once again this is your Captain Jumpol speaking...

.

.

.

.

WELCOME HOME.. ‘

I announced before releasing myself from the safety seatbelt, letting the aviation headset hang to my neck, smirking to my first officer pilot for this flight, at the same time my best friend.

‘ nice landing! ‘ Tay teased.

‘ AHHHH, *stretches neck* Finally, after three days of doing nothing but sending passengers to their destination we finally have the privilege to have fun for 48 hours. ‘ I teased back wiggling my eyebrows at him, he chuckled rolling his eyes.

‘ Dumbass, you still have your ways of having fun in between flights, I saw you scanning those lustful flirty gazes of yours with few of our passengers before boarding so… who passed your seven seconds? ‘

I playfully grazed my tongue across my lower lip, smugly winking as I say,

‘ Business Class. Seat 69B ‘

\--

**\+ LOVE HOTEL +**

‘ugh!’

‘ go a bit deeper please ‘

the passenger 69 B with smooth hair and perky butt pleaded moaning while I fisted some of his hair, gently turning his head to look at me as I take him from behind,

‘ are you sure about that? I’m afraid you might bleed if I push myself deeper to you… that’s how tight you are.. 

or maybe that’s how thick and big I am ‘ I whispered seductively making him moan louder as I thrust myself into him.

‘ I-I don’t mind, I want to feel all of you ‘

‘ Is that so? ‘ I asked, dangerously stopping sucking the skin of his nape

‘ you do know you’re playing a dangerous game? ‘ I continued biting his shoulder

‘ Oh! F-Fuck! ‘ he screamed when I buried my long thick self to him without warning.

‘ Oops? *laugh* *serious face* Now be a babe and make sure your grasp around the bed rail is tight because I’ll make you experience a voice shattering helicopter flight ‘

\--

3 hours later…

Fully satisfied eyes met mine, as he lift his naked self from the bed confusingly staring at me when I started to wear my captain uniform one by one,

‘ Captain, you’re already leaving? ‘

I smirked at him, ‘ Yes ‘

‘ Why? ‘

‘ because I already got what I want ‘

‘ aw, you can at least stay for a little while, and maybe *shy* go for another round? And cuddle until we fall asleep? ‘

I laugh loudly as if I heard a funny joke before sarcastically smiling at the latter

‘ No thanks, I don’t think your boyfriend will appreciate that. ‘

His jaw dropped at my revelation completely blushing. I leaned toward him kissing his opened mouth,

‘ if you are completely no longer happy with your relationship, break up with him, so next time you sleep around with someone you can face your sex partner straightly, and have fun without feeling guilty ‘ I smiled at him,

He looked down, his eyes showing guilt and fear ‘ h-h-how did you know? ‘

I shrugged buttoning, ‘I just know the moment you said you preferred me taking you from behind, in a doggy style’ 

He glared answering, fully in defense mode (still blushing), ‘ I-I may just simply like and enjoy that sex position. That’s all ‘

I scoffed, grazing my middle finger to his upper lips, ‘ Is that so? Ok, how about I’ll stay but in exchange of us having sex in an enjoyable position with us seeing each other’s face clearly? ‘

I flicked his chin when he looked away, finally wearing my airline captain cap and my ray-bans on,

‘ That’s what I thought. I’ll go my own way now and please break up with him, save the poor guy from investing feelings and time to a cheating bastard like you.’

‘YOU! Fucking-–‘

‘ *smirk* Welcome home 69B, hope to not see you ever again ‘

I managed to close the door even before he can do anything, I just left him there crying, not knowing what to do. 

Tss. He chose to cheat and fuck around, now when the truth was slapped to his face he’ll cry? What a baby. If only I notice his promise ring sooner I could’ve save myself from being an accessory of cheating psh! Never mind. It was nothing but a one night stand after all. People nowadays are getting pathetic and hypocrite as ever. How fun, note the sarcasm.

I winked at the receptionist when I returned the hotel card to her, she shook her head at me and laugh, I’m very-well famous to everyone here, why? Simply because I’m one of their VIPs, aside from being a regular here their boss Alice, is one of my best friend along with Tay.

* * *

I was busy sleeping when I felt someone tugging my hair. I opened my right eye, catching a glimpse of the culprit,

‘ Yo! What's up little monster? ‘ I greeted my five-year old niece being carried by my glaring sister, Namtan, Tay’s wife.

Yup, my used to be partner in crime when it comes to fooling around ended up marrying my very conservative sister. What a fucking joke and traitors.

‘ Off! Alice called me last night and snitched to me that you stopped by at their hotel again! Arm and her even got into a fight because Arm accidentally bragged how you, him and Tay used to compete how many rooms you have checked in! just for a night!!! Gross! ‘ she said in her usual displeased tone.

Another yes, my best friends are Tay, Alice and Arm,

and I am the last single-one standing after my two best friends (Arm and Alice) married each other last year.

‘ Are you even listening to me? ‘

I ignored her and continue annoying my niece, Nirin who punched me on my face when I stole her ribbon.

‘ Nam, Can you all just leave me alone? I want to rest ‘

She huffed and frowned yet nod sweetly when she noticed how tired I am.

‘ Fine, anyway Tay will not accompany you tonight. We’ll be going on a date ‘

I shooed her away and buried myself to my bed, ‘ Tsk. I guess I’ll be alone again tonight ‘

\--

Alone having a blast. HAHAHAHA

Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn, one of Smile International Airline’s excellent Captain, handsome, financially stable, and between large and XL *winks*.

I walk proudly inside the well-known elite club for pilots and other professionals like me, totally ignoring all the flirty—gazes being thrown at my direction,

after casually ordering my drink to the average-looking bartender who didn't even meet half of my standards. Yeah I'm a complete package jerk, I forgot to add that part.

When I checked my wristwatch and saw it’s already nearing midnight, I excused myself from people who are trying to hit on me, I’m not interested with any of them,

I went to the third floor, roaming my eyes and scanning for that someone who can satisfy my loneliness tonight,

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Sev—

Before I can finish counting in my head, a handsome guy with bedroom eyes appear right in front of my face.

‘ Can I help you? ‘ I asked casually checking him out, not bad.

‘ what’s your size? ‘ bedroom eyes asked weirdly making me confused.

‘ size? ‘

He smiled seductively while slowly drawing circles to my palm and when he paused, I looked at the small box that he placed into my palm, he stood so close that I inhaled how he smell so alluring and sexy.

‘ I have one more left, might as well make good use of it and I think *eyeing my crotch* you’ll suffice ‘

I stare at his deliciously-looking pair of lips, unconsciously biting my lip imagining how tasty and juicy it will be to try, rolling my tongue all over it, how they will turn fully red and swollen when I make it mine for some hours. Wrapping my arms around his waist ... I kissed his left cheek,

‘ you might regret it later ‘

‘ Nah, I trust my instinct ‘

\--

Fuck, the moment we entered the hotel room, clothes kept on flying all over the room, HE IS FUCKING WILD! far from what I was expecting bedroom eyes is a lot more aggressive and domineering than I thought, and it will be a lie if I say I am not being turned on by that, he roughly pushed me unto the door as he kissed me back and forth, pulling me toward him as we keep on kissing, touching one another until we bump to a long couch near the door, I lay down, pulling him down with me, letting us taste each other’s mouth even more, he start crawling above me, placing wet kisses all over my body, I gripped the couch-side when he started nipping one of my nipples, sucking it like an infant, with his hands casually moving my length in an up and down motion, I arched my back in delight as his magical hands continue to please me,

‘ you are quiet a groaner huh ‘ he murmured as he sucked my lower lip this time around, Fuck! I can’t help but groan again and again when his other hand went down to massage both of my balls, that honestly felt so good! Ugh! I looked at him confused and totally asking for more annoyed when he all of a sudden stop but to my surprise he reached for my hand, and I just want to fuck him, right there and then when he seductively enter my long middle finger inside his mouth, I can feel my hormones rushing, all over the place, body tingling from head to my heels, as he continue to wet my finger with his saliva, he then slowly guide my wet finger to his slightly wet entrance,

‘ mmm ‘

Fuck even the way he moan was totally sexy and attractive, his deep voice saying ‘uh’ to my ear as I finger-fuck him makes my totally hard length into ....harder...rock,

‘ where’s the condom? ‘ he huskily mumbles nipping my exposed neck, I watched him sexily tearing it open, grabbing my neck to sit up, he slowly covered my large dick, I pulled him back, nibbling his lower lip,

' better use it wisely '

‘ let’s go to bed ‘ I suggested but was abruptly rejected

‘ either we do this here or we’ll stop ‘ he challenged, cunningly taunting me with his gazes I nodded as if I was hypnotized, he straddle me and I grip his shoulder as he let me slowly fill up his warm cave,

‘ Shit! ‘

‘ My instinct was totally right about you making me full oh! ‘ he moaned trapping my face with both of his hands while moving fast above me, kissing me harder this time around, exploring the inside of my mouth, while I explore his body down there, both of my hands were on his waist massaging it as he keep moving forward and back, bouncing up and down on top of me, his head moved back, playing with my hair as I shower him kisses all over his upper body,

‘ Fuck me harder! ‘ he commanded as I start to meet up his thrust,

‘ O-hhh there, you’re doing good! Uh ‘ I groped his buttocks burying myself deeper,

‘ fuck! Ha! *pants* ‘

‘ O---ohhh g-gosh! Uhmm ‘

*plok* *plok* *grins*

Weird noises dominating the room as we keep meeting each other’s thrust! making me feel like a maniac, driving me crazy at the idea of us making that sound, that's how hard we're going at each other, I hurriedly switched our positions, laying him down to the couch, raising one of his legs on my shoulder, his feet slightly anchored to my nape, as I took him from the side,

‘ Oh-fuck! ‘

‘play with me! ‘

I looked at him panting, and he rolled his eyes annoyed (again) he don't like waiting, what a short- tempered small guy! grabbing my hand, then wrapping both of our hands over his hard cock, we both moved it up and down, as I continue pouncing on him, I leaned down, totally craving more of his kisses, he hold on to the couch tighter when we both felt we’re near to reaching heaven, going harder and faster …..

As if I was high with the pleasure as I keep on riding him, grinding, my eyes went totally closed, eyes rolling at how pleased I am, forgetting all the alphabet and

‘ Ohhh ‘

‘Uhhh ‘

‘ AAhhh ‘

Were the only thing I know and can muttered, it’s amazing how a small body like his can keep up with me, and damn! he was even going way harder, my body trembles as I felt warm liquid coming out from my best buddy inside the condom, then the interesting guy underneath followed me, warm liquid squirt all over my lower abdomen, which was super amazing for me... I always reach my climax last compared to my one night stand, and usually it will took at least 2-3 rounds before I completely feel satisfied,

*drip* *drip*

Drained, feeling exhausted as if I fucked around until daylight, I took off the condom and tossed it to the floor as I involuntarily collapsed above the latter, wrapping my arms around the naked small frame catching my breathe, a couple of minutes later, I felt him moving under me, sliding his body out until he succeed, I was too tired to move so I let him, I remember seeing him blankly looking at me, his sexy bedroom eyes were now replaced with plain look, while putting on his clothes and him saying

‘ here’s my part for the hotel room, thanks for the good fuck, thanks to you my last condom was properly used *salute* ’

after that he disappeared and when I woke up there’s no trace of him, as if he was just like a good, fucking wet dream.

I almost consider it... not until I confirmed it with my tired and exhausted dick, that have too much action last night to even have a morning wood. 

And with me frowning at the money bills above the bed and the empty small box of condom. 

Most importantly looking at my body filled with red marks and the sticky stuff on my lower abdomen is enough evidence. 

What the fuck? 

I laughed totally entertained like a psycho, finally met someone who's a pro

.

.

.

maybe even better,

someone on a different level, above me of being an asshole.


	2. GUN

Last day, month of April my happily married bros finally have the time to accompany my single flawless ass at my regular chill-out club, but regret is totally visible in my handsome face as the two guys are having the best time of their life laughing at my interesting one night stand encounter that happened few months ago,

‘ ha ha ha, you two are obviously having fun eh ‘ I sarcastically laughed hitting both of their neck at the same time, it tick me off even more when they were unfazed and just continued laughing.

‘ Man, I will surely tell Alice about this, but…. why are you sharing this funny story just now? ‘ Arm who have this annoying face asked, smirking at me. And before I can answer him Tay beat me into it,

‘ because this fucker pfft-- fall for it AGAIN, by the same guy! HAHAHAHAH ‘

Unable to regain my reputation any longer as these two keep hitting my shoulder as they laugh, I accepted defeat sighing, I drink the glass of alcohol I’m holding.

Yup. Bedroom eyes left me once again after having sex with me and I can’t help but grit my teeth remembering how that cunning guy keep making a fool out of me.

* * *

**[ Somewhere along the beach Islands of Maldives]**

My flirty tongue grazed my lips as I scan the beach resort, ‘ Damn! Am I dead? Why do I feel like I’m already in paradise called Heaven ‘ I stated overreacting watching, the beautiful human beings in their swimming attire, running around all over the place.

‘ Don’t even wish you’ll end up going to heaven, *smirk* you’re not welcome in both heaven and hell brother, you’ll be immediately send back to earth, ‘

I chuckle at my sister’s teasing comment. ‘ Aw, should I go? just have fun on my own and just forget our deal of me babysitting Rin while you and my traitor Tay celebrate your wedding anniversary huh sis? ‘

She gave me a sweet apologetic smile and cling to my arm, ‘ you can’t back out now ‘

I rolled my eyes at her and smile after snatching my niece from his dad who is obviously excited to have my sister all to himself

‘ Let’s leave your parents for the meantime, so they can work on your future siblings ‘

Rin giggles and wave goodbye at her mom who’s currently blushing yelling my name and beside her is her husband laughing, saluting at me. All day long even though some tried hitting on me and definitely made me horny, I was keen and serious playing as a responsible uncle for once. The following day, Rin was surely having fun making me ran after her, entertained every time I yell out of frustration whenever she’s being naughty hiding from me, surprisingly on our third day of stay the irresponsible parents of her finally appeared making me feel out of place, Psh.

My best friend slash brother in law is awfully shameless thanking me for letting him score with his wife, I punched him smirking, as I remind him that even if I’m his best friend, I am his wife’s brother so better not be cocky about his sex life with her.

‘ You can have your fun tonight, Off. ‘

I quickly turn my head and grin at Namtan when she spoke in the middle of our dinner,

‘ Hmm just go before I change my mind and you better not whine having hangover before our flight okay?‘ She added and I quickly kiss her head bidding her goodbye, on my way out Rin gave me a flying kiss oho her and I are best friends now huh, while Tay tossed me a box of condom winking at me.

Damn!

Fully thrilled with the night life, I hurriedly explore the place on my own and wild crowd dancing, bouncing their head up and down to music welcomed me the moment I entered W Maldives Nightclub, I squinted my eyes, adjusting as I let the neon lights hit my face, I slightly fixed my messy hair, feeling satisfied with my whole appearance looking good in a simple white jeans and a blue open shirt, letting my black calvin klein boxer brief slightly visible. I winked at the bartender glancing at my almost exposed half body.

Easily blending with the crowd, dancing with anyone I came across with, grinding from one body to another, and when I had enough fooling around, I finally approached the guy with neon pink body paint on his chest who caught my attention the second I entered, we were busy flirting and I was in the middle of asking him to move to a more quiet place, when a familiar face walked nearby the counter, I unconsciously moved my eyes following the guy,

‘ my room is just nearby.. do you want us to go there or to your room? ‘ I pay attention to the guy I was talking to before I got distracted and make up some excuses to dodge his question.

‘ Ahm, this maybe sound rude after leading you on and being suggestive but can I just get your number for now? I think I saw a friend that I didn’t saw for a longtime… ‘

The guy gave a sporty smile, ‘ Ok. I got the message. Here’s my number if ever you change your mind and want to hang out with me, instead with him. Just call me‘

I gave him a smack on the lips ‘ you’re sweet, I’ll definitely call you after ‘

Fascinated, I stay rooted when I saw the guy with bedroom eyes dancing seductively in the middle of the crowd, catching everyone’s attention including mine, as expected a bunch of people approached him and I smirked amused at how he turned them down one by one sweetly, I hurriedly catch up with him when he left the club and started walking along the beach side behind him, thinking of a way to approach him

‘ do you smoke? ‘

Looking from left to right, I pointed myself when I noticed we were the only ones here, he nodded smiling at me.

‘ if you smoke, do you have some? can I have a stick? ‘

I extended my hand giving him one and a lighter, I observed him quietly as he expertly do his thing.

‘ do you usually stare at people like you want to eat them or something? ‘

I let out a smile at his direct question and absentmindedly answer ‘ Not really ….unless I really want to eat them ‘

He chuckled throwing me an amused glance, I sighed impatiently and laugh.

‘ Seriously? You… don’t remember me do you? ‘

He snickered and I swear I wanted to kiss those annoying lips so much when I heard his answer,

‘ from the sound of it, did we had sex before? ‘

Insulted but entertained with his personality, I came close to him. ‘ you seriously don’t remember me?! ‘ bewildered at how he forgot about me.

He bite his lower lip glancing at my exposed body, he rolled his tongue across his lips.

‘Sorry did I offend you? Don’t be. I just really tend to forget people’s face I had meaningless sex with easily. But I remember how I end up having sex with them so… you can tell me how we end up having sex and I’ll definitely know you ‘ he said in a really sweet way despite being brutal.

I laughed at his honest answer. ‘ you asked for help with your last condom, do you remember me now? ‘

He gave a hearty laugh, his eyes slightly closing and I just noticed his dimples showing ‘ ahhh my younger self was that cringy huh ‘

I raised my eyebrow at him ‘ younger self? ‘

He nodded as he walk towards me, grazing his index finger from my exposed chest down to my hips slightly brushing my boxer. ‘ Ahuh, I’m a year older today ‘ I smirked at his action.

Snaking my arms slowly around his waist ‘ hmm Happy Birthday then ‘ I whispered to his ears, I groaned when he softly nibble my earlobe out of nowhere.

‘ I do remember you now, you’re the groaner ‘

I groaned again when I felt his knee brushed across my jeans and he laughed at my reaction before directly asking me,

‘ do you mind giving me a birthday sex? ‘ 

I playfully groped his butt ‘ and that’s how you’ll remember me next time ‘

He grinned. ‘ Exactly ‘

While smoothly owning his smart mouth, my arms did their own wanders as they sneaked inside his black tank top, we can feel the waves of water from the seashore splashing, reaching our feet he chuckled between the kiss. He pulled away grabbing my hand excitedly as we ran into the end corner of the beach. My lips twitch smiling at how he was brimming with pride as he show off the plain beach mat with tassel circle laid perfectly on the beach sand few meters away the water, he sat down comfortably looking at the magnificent glowing view and tap the space beside him,

‘ wanna know a secret? ‘ he grinned before he continue his absurd statement making my lower body react. ‘ my birthday wish is to have sex in the midst of sea’s shoreline lighting up in a magical manner ‘

Laughing in a breathy, nervous way I answered him with a question ‘ are you not afraid being caught having sex here out in the open? ‘

He shrugged and my eyes followed his every movement when he started stripping his tank top.

‘ not really? Are you? ‘ he challenged and I look around in a subtle way, realizing we are in a secluded part, how he chose the perfect blind spot, I removed my shirt as well going on top of him.

‘ Didn’t saw you as the adventurous type, who knew behind this adorable face is a dangerous guy ‘ I whispered making him laugh, before grabbing my head to kiss him, our bodies meet perfectly, meeting in the middle as we thrust towards one another, as I continue to taste each corner of his neck, he opened the button of my white jeans , rubbing the surface of my boxer before finally inserting his hand inside it, this time he’s rubbing me raw. I stare at his face, the bioluminescence phenomenon from the sea shining on his face, creating this illusion of much sexier and attractive version of him, I grabbed his face for a kiss, like a hungry man as I switched our position, he’s now the one straddling me, I entered my hand under his loose short until I can fondle his soft buttocks while his hand was busy stroking, I keep teasing the entrance of his behind, tracing circle around it,

‘ hmm you… are surprisingly wet ‘

He moaned at my comment, as I dipped my head down to his nipple, rolling my tongue over it, sucking, kissing it after, as I insert a finger to his entrance, his hand and mine synch as we thrust in and out, feeling liquid rushing inside me, I fasten my pace….

‘ Oh! Geez at least give me a warning! *chuckle* ‘ he demanded but laugh after I came on his hand, my eyes darkened when he raised his palm filled with my liquid, he sexily licked them off much to my surprise.

‘ and you’re surprisingly sweet ‘

Something stirred inside my stomach out of excitement when the latter stood up above me, slowly stripping off his bottom cloth, I smirked as I lifted up my lower body just enough to lower down my jeans and boxers down to my knees, I stroked my still hard member for a little while before placing the condom to it, I patted my thighs,

‘ come here ‘

Parting his legs to each side, while his mouth is busy with mine I guide his entrance down to my erected body part, we both moaned as I felt myself sinking inside him,

‘ Fuck! ‘ I groaned, gripping the beach mat as I leaned back my body… he sexily bounce up and down on top of me, he was going hard yet gentle enough for him not to hurt his own body as usual riding me, his hands were fixated to my hair while I kept myself busy kissing his upper body, playing with his two erected nipples, inserting them in and out my mouth, as the wind continue to blow, our moans and noises overwhelmed the quiet and serene atmosphere. Few thrust after I came, he was panting as he removed himself from me, laying down to the beach mat. I hurriedly tossed the used condom to the corner, opening another one as I crawl on top of him, kissing his neck tenderly,

He chuckled, ‘ again? ‘ he asked while his arms was already snaking their way on my upper back up to my nape,

‘ what an insatiable man ‘ he whispered grinning when he felt myself getting ready to enter him once again. I remember having sex with him until the sun was warning to come out and just until we used almost every pack inside the box of condom from Tay, I can’t even remember how many times we reached our climax, I thought tiring him that much was enough to make him stay but when I woke up after an hour or two of sleep, I was once again woke up alone. I found myself laughing looking at the mess we made , used condoms everywhere, my lips swollen, kiss marks and scratches that stings all over my body, most importantly my best buddy, who’s still asleep, he had too much action that he can’t even give me a morning wood.

‘ Tch. What a dangerous guy ‘ I commented smiling, looking at the written words in the sand,

_Happy April Fools! It’s not my birthday but thank you for the birthday sex! XOXO_

* * *

[ Present…. continuation ]

‘ you don’t even know his name even after having sex with him twice? ‘ Arm frowned at me, Tay on the other hand continued, 

‘ Man, twice but take note… the recent one was combined with multiple rounds! Hahaha I was expecting for him to at least know his name. The memory of how mad Nam was when he arrived in our room looking like he had a fun rough night and her reaction when she heard Off saying he forgot to ask bedroom eyes’ name and number still lingers in my mind! It was hilarious! Haha ‘

Arm joined Tay laughing at my idiocracy, ‘ Is he that good making you forget other important things? like knowing his name? ‘

I grinned at his question, clicking my glass to theirs,

‘ THE BEST ‘

we all laughed together but was cut-off short when their wives arrived, Nam rolled her eyes at me, meanwhile Alice started teasing me after Arm whispered the news to her ears.

I groaned when all of a sudden I feel left out. My two buddies are now busy acting cute,,, yuck! around their woman, not to mention my sister and bestfriend by the way. 

‘ Seriously, I thought this is my night and turn, to be accompanied by these two bastards! ‘ I whined and the rest of the night continued with both couple bullying me. The night was undeniably fun, full of laughter, it was one of those time where I wish the time will freeze for a moment, and it’s because of the genuine happiness embracing my heart.

‘ Seriously though Off, you’re not getting any younger, if you don’t want to get married. Fine, but at least find a steady partner. Don’t you get tired fucking around? It’s still different to have a special someone you know? To know someone is waiting for you to get home safely ‘

I scoffed at Nam’s preaching, ‘ Nam there are two types of people, those who are like you guys. People who can settle down, do marriage, commitments and people like me who are not meant for that. I will only end up hurting someone or maybe cheat on him if I force myself to it ‘

Tay nodded along with my two other best friend

‘ he has a point sweetheart, remember the last time he tried forcing himself to be in a serious relationship he end up being more than just an asshole, so he’s better off alone like this ‘ I proudly gave him a fist bump for siding me, Alice tug my hair laughing,

‘ it’s nothing to be proud off you prick! Haha ‘

I shrugged and glanced at my sister who is obviously still bothered with me sleeping around,

‘ Nam, you said it yourself I’m not young anymore. Let me have fun okay? I know what I’m doing. I’m always being safe and careful. ‘

She hugged my arm, pouting ‘ I’m more worried about you being lonely after Off, before and during sex… yes you are happy and having fun … but what about after? ‘

All of them end up staring at me as they wait for my answer. I give them a genuine smile as I pat my concerned sister’s head.

‘ Trust me. I am happier this way, I don’t want strings attached to me, I’m better off alone ‘ 

When they were all bidding goodbye, I excused myself and told them I’ll stay for more hours since after this I will be fully booked for the rest of the week due to my upcoming flights, after a few times of me convincing Nam, she finally left me off the hook and I laughed at how she reminded me to at least know the name of the person who I’m having sex with and she kicked my butt when I answered her.

‘ I only ask their names if I’m interested having sex with him again in the future! ‘

‘ is that so? How come you forgot asking the guy from Maldives his name? yet it was already your second time with him ‘

I shrug at her, but when all of them finally left, I smile unconsciously rubbing my nape ashamed,

_‘ that was… because he never gave me a chance to even at least know his name, he’s more dangerous than me Nam. Far dangerous. ‘_

\--

‘ Good afternoon passengers, this is your captain speaking……..

Cabin crew will be coming around in twenty minutes time to offer you a light snack, beverages and the inflight movie will begin shortly after, you’ll be hearing from me again before we reach our destination until then sit back, relax and enjoy the rest of the flight ‘

I finished the Captain’s welcoming speech and hurriedly instructed my first officer to take control and that I will do the flying later.

‘ hmmm you’ve got a rough night captain before the flight? It’s unusual for you to let your first officer take charge first hand ‘ he teased making me chuckle as I momentarily closed my eyes.

‘ better grab the opportunity I’m giving you lad one mistake and I’ll punish you myself ‘

He laughed and said I can be rest assured for a smooth flight. He felt me staring and curiously asked,

‘ what’s wrong captain? ‘

‘ I’m sexually frustrated ‘ I blurted out making him coughed.

‘ hahaha that’s new cap! ‘

I laugh along with him and nodded ‘ I know, it doesn’t sound like me right? ‘

‘ so that’s the reason why you look awful today huh? I wonder why. Never mind that, you can always have your way to have fun sooner or later hahaha ‘

‘ really? I hate to admit it but I’m not really sure about that this time ‘ he looked at me confused but shrugged it off later on when he got nothing from me.

I clenched my jaw remembering how I am fully getting it on with my target last night few minutes after my sister and best friends left, only to pause once in a while in the middle of us having sex when I keep visualizing a certain face instead of the guy’s actual face, it kept going like that until the latter reached his climax while I didn’t. I fucking didn’t! worse my member fully betrayed me and totally lose interest, even thought it was just a one-time thing, maybe the guy I chose was not that hot but no! as I scan and find someone who can satisfy me I just keep on comparing them to him. So I went home earlier, frustrated. Fuck! My mind was totally not helping as memories of us having sex back in the Maldives keeps replaying in me up to the point of me waking up in the middle of the night leaving me awake all night until my flight is up. Resulting my eye bags and restless face.

I shrugged it off and focus all through out until the rest of my flights were over, when I was finally available I called Tay immediately and the son of a bitch just laughed at me, connecting our video call with Arm and Alice 

‘ hahaha your another doomsday of being a fucker has finally come! ‘

‘ I knew that it will haunt you the moment you got left behind by him for the second time around ‘

‘ and you told us not so long ago that you are better off alone! Hahaha yet here you are! Desperate to find the guy! ‘

They all commented at the same time laughing their hearts out, irritating me.

‘ I am only desperate to find him to have sex with him, because I can’t with others right now! and finally have a peaceful sleep without him riding me in my dreams ok? this is not good! I don’t like this! ‘

Alice who recently is hanging out so much with my sister that she is starting to be influenced by her suggested something I had a hard time absorbing, ‘ I think you should take this as a sign to get yourself a steady partner! Maybe he’s the one! ‘

I chuckled at her naivety, ‘ go steady? The guy is way brutal than me Alice when it comes to one night stand, he’s like a mushroom who keeps coming out and disappear whenever he pleases and you honestly think it’s a good idea for me to go steady with him? yes , I want to have sex with him again and maybe more than once, but that’s it. I don’t want anything other from that. I’m pretty sure he and I are on the same page. Quiet obvious at how he easily disappear after sex ‘

She frowned but Arm said something making her frown deeper ‘ you know what? I think she’s right bud. Maybe he’s the one perfect for you! You can go steady with him but not entirely go steady with him‘

‘You’re not making any sense love ‘ Alice added which her and I agreed upon.

Tay who was oddly silent finally speak something worth hearing.

‘ Off, Nam will surely kill me for suggesting this idea to you but why not make him your temporary fuck buddy the next time you two meet just until you have enough of him? Like the thing with Run before? He also had you temporarily crazy right? I mean, both of you like sex without strings attached, both of you come and go as they pleases. Same as this guy. That will work out just fine? And I’m pretty confident you will get tired of him sooner and go back to your old self. Just like before, it happened to you once, come to think of it maybe you’re just thrilled with him for now because you think he’s different with others you had sex with or because he is literally just like you. Making him your fuck buddy may stop you from fucking around even if it's only a temporary thing haha ‘

He raised both of his hands when Alice throw dagger looks at him before looking at me warily,

‘ I don’t know about that stupid idea Off, it sounds messy and ridiculous to me. Smells like trouble, just like what happened with Run ‘

I smirked, ‘ Tay’s idea is not that bad exactly. The thing with Run, the only mistake we did was too much experimenting, getting into a serious relationship out of curiosity and boredom, even after we agreed at the beginning that what we’ll have was purely nothing but pleasure. Hmm Enough of that *nodding* I should give it a shot but this time I will handle it better this time ‘

Alice sighed, pouting ‘ Aish! I will never win against you! I just hope this thing will not come back and bite you in the ass one day! ‘

Tay, Arm and I exchanged looks before secretly message one another in our secret group

Cap-XL: where should I start looking for him? what if he's still at Maldives? should I go there?

Lucky Arm: Nah, you just better do your usual fucker self and you’ll meet him one way or another, the more you exert effort finding him, the lesser chance you have in meeting him again

Despicable Tay : Yup, for now don’t be too excited or you’ll keep yourself awake all night again! Hahaha

Cap-XL: *middle finger* Fuck you bud. Fuck you !

Funny but Arm was surprisingly right, the moment I keep him off away from my thoughts and go back fucking around like usual which is indeed surprising as I managed to reach my climax again (even though it will took a lot of effort to achieve which is humiliating), I went back to my old self and luckily after a month of torture, the guy finally appear before me. He was in his casual street style attire, wearing a black beanie, smoking alone at the rooftop of the club where we first met each other. And this time around, I know he remembers me pretty well without reminding him our encounter.

‘ Aw! we meet again Captain ‘ he greeted while puffing some smoke.

I frown at his greeting. ‘ Captain? ‘

He let out a cheeky smile. ‘ I saw you last time at the Airport dragging your silver suitcase while wearing a Pilot captain uniform. I must say you’re totally rocking your uniform outfit makes me… imagine…things‘

And that was my cue… Damn it! he's really straightforward too much that it was making me impatient and want to have sex with him urgently. 

‘ really? I can help you make your imaginations turns into reality... that is… if you agree with my condition? ‘

‘ condition huh? *playful smile* let me hear it then ‘

‘ be my fuck buddy, you do know what I meant with that right? ‘

After I straightforwardly said what I want… it was my first time seeing his eyebrow creases in a serious manner, his playful expression was gone and replaced by a bland look making me nervous,

Fuck…

Am I going to be rejected?

Shit!

Should I at least have sex with him first before telling him I want him to be my fuck buddy?

Did he felt insulted with my chosen words?

My mind was in the middle of panicking even if my face remained serious, he jumped off from the plant box I didn't noticed he was sitting on earlier, tossing his cigarette to the side. He stood to me closer and I really thought he was not interested and I will be the laughing stock once again to my best friends when I tell them what happened but to my surprise he extended his hand toward my direction.

‘ what’s your name? ‘

‘ huh? Err Off. Just call me Off. ‘ I asked and answered dumbfounded. That's the time I saw him smirk, excitement and relief flowed into my veins and heart.

‘ GUN. My name is Gun. We should at least know each other’s name if we’ll be fuck buddies right? ‘


	3. fuck buddy

**[ TWO WEEKS LATER ]**

I uncomfortably shifted from my seat, with the way everyone is giving me their scary curious stares, my butt feels like being burned yet my surrounding was cold as if I’m in the middle of an iceberg. I exhaled in gratitude when Alice finally break the awkward silence.

‘ So… his name is Gun and you two are officially fuck buddies now? ‘ Alice summarized everything I retold earlier to the group. Nam crossed her arm against her chest, tilting her head at me as I chew the steak in my mouth.

‘ Weird. He accepted it that easily. He must really be used to this kind of set-up ‘

I nodded totally agreeing but I couldn’t care less as long as I get what I want. Arm shake his head at me.

‘ And our guy right here look totally unbothered by it, more like completely satisfied with the set-up huh? ‘

‘ What? It’s favorable in my part ‘ I asked frowning at them when they keep looking at me.

‘ Off ‘ My sister whined shaking my arm

‘ Naaaam ‘ I mimic her making Tay slap my back for teasing his wife.

‘ I’m annoying my sister right now so shoo! Stop playing like you don’t like it when she’s reacting cutely like this! Hahaha’

Namtam glared at both Tay and I when we started discussing how cute she reacts whenever she’s annoyed with our decisions in life.

‘ Hon at least your brother will stop sleeping around with everyone, isn’t that what you want? ‘ Tay defended me from Nam while his arms is around my shoulder, as I agree with him

‘ he will only stop temporarily, I want him to stop but not like this ‘ she snickered

‘ still, will stop at some point ‘ I added grinning, everyone except Nam laughed and later on my sister finally gave up, she instead pry about the set-up I agreed with Gun.

‘ We’re fuck buddies, No strings attached. Simple as that ‘

Contrary to what I expected all of them not just Nam yelled to my face. ‘ THAT’S IT? ‘

I innocently nodded to them as I continue eating.

They all exchanged glances so I continued, rolling my eyes at these nosy people.

‘ We went to do a full body check-up at the hospital and both agreed that from that moment we will no longer have sexual contact with others, unless we have permission from both parties, We are freely allowed to flirt around as long as no sexual relations involve, we can contact each other anytime we want sex but at the same time we can always reject the invitation if we are not in the mood which I doubt since we are both horny and game when it comes to sex. Anyway quit giving me looks! ‘

The ladies, Nam and Alice slapped my back before bidding me and each husband goodbye as they go and leave for their shopping day date with Rin. I lay down to the sofa, switching the TV channel when my idiot best friends hurriedly cuddle up with me,

‘ ahhhh! the sofa is too small to hold us! Get away from me! ‘ I struggle and pushed them away but instead of leaving me alone, Tay and Arm joined forces to keep me in place.

‘ Off! Now that the wives finally leave us alone. Be honest with us ‘

I made funny faces at Tay’s serious expression and kick him off the sofa earning laughter from Arm and curses from Tay when I heard his follow up question.

‘ So did you two have sex right after sealing the deal with him? Wait, did you finally have sex with him on a bed? ‘

‘ you dirty dirty man! Stop pretending to be clean around my sister! Hahaha ‘

He laughed and went back to cuddle me, while Arm looked at me curiously too. I shake my head at them and they end up rolling to their stomach laughing on the floor when I revealed my answer.

‘ No. He said sex on bed are only for lovers and he have no intention making me his lover so nope! We can have sex anywhere except on the bed. ‘

\--

The next day, the idiots ruined my peaceful day over my place once again.

‘ Dude! Seriously don’t you people have big houses? Why do you keep on lurking around here inside my unit? ‘ I complained.

Arm and Tay shrugged answering simultaneously,

‘ Nam stole my wife from me again ‘/ ‘ Alice, kidnapped my wife and daughter ‘

‘ then why here? why do you two have to be here? ‘

‘ Your place is my safest ground. I can go here without Alice ripping my ears off’ / ‘ Nam can only be rest assured when you are around or when I’m in your territory ‘

I laughed at their pathetic situation, one downside of marrying someone who knows about you in and out, and had a hard time making them yours is that you are forever scared that one mistake will ruin the trust foundation you had a hard time building, Alice witnessed every ugly past of Arm including the time when he was still a player like me... Arm is likely to play with feelings though and not with the bodies, meanwhile Tay suffered A LOT before Nam (and I) fully accept him, too much drama for me to explain.

I smiled and glanced at my phone when it vibrated, Tay snatched it from me and read the message out loud.

_GUN:_

_Are you available today? I’m horny :3_

‘ Shit! ‘/ ‘Fuck!’

I rolled my eyes at their exaggerated reaction. ‘ Psh. Haha quit playing bastards! And give me my phone ‘

As I send my reply to Gun, they were both grinning at me.

‘ So… he’s really that direct cool person huh? ‘ Arm commented followed by Tay’s

‘ very much like Off, no sugar-coating. Now I understand why you two are perfect to be each other’s fuck buddy ‘

I proudly smirk at him. ‘ Don’t fucking dare be jealous of me or I’ll tell your wives. Feel free to do whatever you want here as long as it doesn’t involve trashy behavior that will get us all in trouble with the girls. Lock the door when you leave, I’m not sure what time I’ll be home ‘

The idiots do some sexual hand gestured towards me before yelling at me to have fun as I shut the door.

* * *

Three months of being fuck buddies and damn! Gun and I are still not tired tasting each other, we are even having fun the longer our set-up goes, even I and my friends are quite amazed that we lasted this long, maybe because even though it’s been three months we rarely see each other, and whenever we meet, we fuck and leave right after meeting each other’s satisfaction to avoid complications, we know nothing about each other even after months of being in this set-up. All I know is he’s Gun and he’s awesomely great in sex. That’s it.

Like a routine the moment the plane landed, and I have a day-off flying around the next day, I messaged Gun which he replied a simple see you later.

‘ off to get your dose of great sex huh captain? ‘ Tay teased, I ignored him and hurriedly hopped to my ford ranger. When I arrived at the hotel, I fixed my captain uniform, a fresh-looking newly showered Gun in his white bath robe opened the hotel room for me, I greeted him with a deep, hungry-kiss which he greedily accepted.

‘ Hi ‘ I timidly said making him chuckle. ‘ You’re late. Better make up with your performance huh ‘

I was not even slightly surprised at how he said that without being shy, Gun is unstoppable and really vocal with everything. I kicked the door close, playfully twirling the belt of his robe, ‘ did I ever disappoint you with how I perform? ‘

He pretended thinking wearing my captain hat before saying ‘ so far no? ‘

I acted hurt when he said it with hesitation, massaging his waist I pulled him near me. ‘ you’re not sure huh sexy? ‘I whispered nibbling the side of his neck. 

‘ I don’t know ‘ I felt him smirk as he said that, making me shake my head smiling. Lifting his chin for his lips to meet mine, I said lowly ‘ let’s find out the answer then ‘ before kissing him fully this time around, pushing him down to the sofa, sending the cap off the floor.

The good thing of having sex with the same person is that I’m familiar with the body and the person itself, that I already know where to touch for me to please him, in order for me to make him moan effortlessly, or even get a pleasing reaction from him, regarding Gun, some of his sensitive body part that I realized recently is the side of his neck/waist, he’s ticklish in that part and his pelvic area *smirk*. Gun caress my nape, pushing me down to the sofa as go on top of me, licking the corner of my lips while playing the collar of my uniform and removed it off me after.

‘ why…. Every time I meet you… you get more handsome and attractive as hell? ‘ he questioned sexily whispering to my ears, as he go south of my body, kissing my chest as he pull the rest of my uniform and my trousers down. My whole body trembles out of excitement when his warm hand start massaging my balls, while his mouth go back being busy with my mouth, neck and chest.

I groaned in delight when his other hand, squeezed my length without warning, motioning up and down, my eyes wildly gazing at him as his mouth reached the tip of it, rolling his tongue around it and annoying, teasing me with his bedroom eyes that always got me captivated. One thing, I hate and like when having sex with him is that he likes playing around, exciting me just like now he started giving me something my buddy yearn for yet here he is, feet on the ground standing cockily, showing off his naked body with his white robe on the floor, extending his hand at me.

‘ Let’s go and take a shower? ‘

\--

Under the shower, my hard length twitched when it felt the cold water and the indecent stare Gun is giving me, we drowned each other kisses while both of hands occupied roaming around each other’s body, I gasped and gripped his hair moaning when he kneeled out of the blue, fully owning my length…

‘ Fuck! Gun you’re driving me crazy ‘

I yelled as the pleasure Gun is giving me is so overwhelming, making me curse under my breathe, I can feel like my length is almost hitting the back of his throat as I fuck his mouth and when I feel like I’m almost near ... I turn off the shower, pulling myself out of his smart mouth while he guide the condom on me. I can’t help but chuckle when he pushed me down the shower floor tile dominantly straddling me and riding me like a cowboy. His favorite.

The bathroom then was filled with our noises.

\--

We were both insatiable making the supposed to be a quick shower turn into five long hours, that was the longest time I’ve been inside a bathroom. I’m currently sitting naked on the bed, Gun is still inside the bathroom with his door open, fully exposed to me, and creepily as it may sound I am watching him intently from here, smiling towards him when our eyes will meet or laugh like an idiot when he will caught me staring at his squishy butt. I was playing with my lips as I watch him dry his body when he was done and when I saw him starting to fix his things my mouth bravely blurted.

‘ don’t leave yet ‘

He frowned ‘ do you still want… more? ‘

‘ No! it’s not that silly ‘ I hurriedly continued ‘ I just think that I exhausted you too much today, and I don’t mind you taking a rest or nap here for a while. Come on, the thing between us beyond one night stand now so…. No need to hurry? ‘ I explained tapping the side of the bed. I thought he will reject it just like how he always do, but to my surprise today he nodded shrugging and answered okay.

I watched him confidently strip naked and lay on the bed, covering his body with the white cloth yawning, I went beside him in a side position, staring at him and without care he fell asleep just like that.

\--

I woke up alone on the bed and was totally unbothered by it by the way not until I heard soft snores, I muttered soft curses and laugh adoringly when I saw Gun on the floor sleeping soundly. With my stomach pressed on the bed I stared at him, giggling at his cuteness,

‘ did he seriously fell off the bed? ‘

A different sight of Gun, he then shifted position, I licked my lips unconsciously when my eyes went down to his totally worked up butt, out of naughtiness my hands acted on its own and squeezed it, I laughed when Gun slapped my hand, mumbling adorably. I was too entranced watching him sleep that I didn’t notice what face I was making and then I caught my reflection in the mirror from the bathroom. I jumped off the bed slapping my cheeks before glancing at Gun again. Shaking my head, I fixed myself, putting my clothes on and leave the room without saying goodbye to him.

Shit

Don’t make faces like that ever again Off.

Don't you fucking go there.

Not with him.

Maybe with someone, someday…. but not with him.


	4. Sexplaylist

**[TRACK 1- KITCHENOMIXS]**

Making use of the hotel room that have mini kitchen, 2 am ....

while some are busy sleeping or doing their own thing here I am,

running my tongue across Gun’s smooth back, tracing the line of his spine, his bare stomach pressed against the kitchen counter, lifting him up,

letting his butt feel the coldness as he sat the counter,

kissing his mouth, with my right hand to the top of his head against the cabinet above him,

left hand busy guiding his hand inside my half opened-jeans,

‘ stretch me out ‘ he whispered, I smirk guiding him to stand up,

‘ spread your legs wider then ‘ he followed what I told as I lean down, his back arched when he felt me inside him

‘ wider ‘ I demanded groaning, burying myself deeper, squeezing his left butt cheeks.

‘ Ah that felt good Off! ‘ he moaned

‘ Uh! You always smell so good Gun! ‘

I pounded harder making Gun’s grip on the counter go tighter while I hold on to his hip tighter for him to stand still, he turn his face toward me and we kiss each other’s lips until we go numb and reach climax.

\--

**[ TRACK 5- Vroom Vroom ]**

Inside my fully-tinted ford ranger, specifically seated in the driver seat with Gun on top of me,

busy roaming my hands all over inside Gun’s oversized red undershirt,

his face covered with sweat as he continue meeting the muscle I’m pushing in and out of him,

his back accidentally leaning hard on the steering wheel, resulting the long horn

but we were too drawn with the pleasure to even mind it.

He hugged me in a while after our release, panting.

‘ that…. was …. Awesome ‘ we chorused, laughing.

He moved to the passenger seat and we decided to fix ourselves, glancing at the time on my phone, he leaned forward and gave me a quick peck.

‘ I’ll be leaving then. See you around Off ‘ he said coolly, waving his hand at me,

I watched him hopped off the car and leave. Tay popping out of nowhere, peeked his head inside the car laughing, pinching his nose.

‘ Something smell…… hahahahaha fishy ‘

‘ Fuck off ‘

‘ Bud. Seriously? you really called him out here to have sex with him hours before our scheduled flight? ‘ he mocked as we make our way inside the airport. I shake my head totally ashamed of my action earlier, which is unusual and the first time I ever did, I mean I always know when it's time for me to stop being horny or what... .

‘ Yeah I’m unbelievable. I know ‘

‘ hahaha no offense Captain huh but this is my first time seeing you out of control with your urges. For fucking real, you better think straight cut him off while you still can ‘

\--

‘We remind you that if you need any special attention, all our crew will be at ready to assist you….. ‘

After a few reminders and doing my speech as a captain, Tay take over to lead, we were both fully focused to the flight and time to time talking about my new found habit.

Which is fucking Gun, according to the view of my friends.

‘ Dude. A piece of advice do something aside from fucking him. Hahaha ‘

' I do other things with him '

' stop being smug you understand what I mean '

I rolled my eyes at him. ‘ Shut up! That will totally crossed out the main reason why we are meeting each other ‘

‘ any plans introducing him properly to us? ‘

‘ your wishing for the impossible ‘

‘ aw why is that? come on! You two are in that kind of set-up for what? half a year now? ‘

I scoffed. ‘ half a year? And we are still likely strangers if not for sex ‘

He squinted his eyes at me, and I fucking swear I saw him smirk.

‘ what? ‘

‘ you….sounded bitter with that fact... Ehhh *shakes head* no way ‘

‘ what?! ‘

‘ you ….. can’t possibly fell for him… right? ‘

Pfft. His question made me hold my stomach and laugh pointing at myself

‘Me? fall for him? Stop whatever poison thoughts you have inside that brain of yours, tch how can I fall for someone who’s fine having sex anywhere just not the bed? ‘ I told him sarcastically and his answer made me froze from my seat.

‘ that’s good then, because I don’t want you end up regretting in the end or worse broken. You should start thinking twice about your decisions, you had your fun with the guy, had sex with him so many times to the point becoming your habit… when do you plan to get tired of him? When will you end your connection with him? And when do you plan to seriously have someone special huh? ‘

I looked at him confused. ‘ why are you… starting to sound like Nam? Which is weird because you… are always on my side.. what’s up? Even earlier it feels like you know something that I don’t ‘

He looked away guilty, nervously chuckling as he confessed. ‘ Err. I mean I’m noticing subtle changes from you which is making me nervous. I am not sure why tho and earlier was my first time seeing your buddy’s face ‘

‘ and???? ‘

‘ I’m just worried that you are taking the whole set up of yours strictly while the other guy is just playing ‘

With his next revelation, I felt like my whole body turning into jelly yet at the same time my heart hardening.

‘ I think I saw his face somewhere? Particularly at Alice’s hotel? He was actually kissing a guy there, entering a room, I remember him clearly because he even winked at me when we met gazes before he closed the door. Just like what he did earlier when I approached your car and saw him leaving, you never went booking at Love hotel again when you and him agreed being fuck buddies right? so he was definitely with a different guy‘

\--

After the talk with Tay during our flight, for weeks I stopped myself to contact Gun, I spend my days with flights, going out with my friends and co-workers, babysitting my niece and everything just to avoid thinking of him, messaging him and confronting him about what I found out. To my annoyance, Gun never once contacted me either, making me imagine worse things that unknowingly anger me.

Is he really fooling around while I’m not around?

Is he really treating me unfairly?

Fuck! Am I really being played?

Why do I even take this thing with him seriously?

So … I decided to pull myself together that night, I picked out the best clothes I have, wear my favorite perfume, styled my hair the best that I can, calling my best pals just to accompany me drinking while I scan for my target.

‘ Aw! Our fuckboy captain ready to mingle again? What happened to that buddy of yours? ‘ Arm teased clueless but Tay shake his head at him.

‘ did you cut your ties with him already? If not at least try to clear things out I don’t want to be blamed if things get messy ‘

‘ Taking things like that is seriously not me Tay. I’m better off—‘

‘ fooling around ‘ they continued before we laughed all together.

Everything is smoothly doing fine, I am completely having fun like how I used to do, before the fuck buddy shits…

before Gun ruined it again.

Unread message from GUN:

_You’re not answering your phone. Are you available? Can you pick me up at the bar where we first met?_

I throw side-glance toward my friend’s direction, at the bar where we first met? He’s here? I thought as I start scanning my eyes for him, while sending a message to Tay that they should leave without me and go home before their wives go crazy on me. I had a hard time looking for Gun until I found a guy smoking outside the bar, near the alley, with a BIG bag in front of him.

‘ Gun ‘ I called his name and hurriedly caress his face with my eyes bulging when I saw a bruise near his left eye.

‘ yo ‘ he smiled,

‘ wh-what the fuck happened to you ? ‘

\--

Bullshit.

I cursed inside my head as I found myself kissing Gun inside my unit, after a numerous times of convincing Gun to stay in my unit temporarily while he’s still looking for a place to stay, and I cursed once again remembering how I end up convincing him.

 _‘ I’m only offering my place because it’s convenient for me. Easy Access to fuck you whenever ‘_ I even paused for a while after saying that afraid that I may offend him but the latter fondly just laugh at me and even gave me a hand job while we were on our way here! Which is fucking difficult! how can he possibly think I can focus driving with him doing that?! So it took us an additional hour drive since I was pretty distracted.

We were in the middle of a steamy sex on the sofa in the living room when I felt him trembling, differently from his trembles whenever he's near then he paused, burying his face on my chest. I was shocked when I felt warm liquid wetting me. Is he…. Crying?

‘ Gun ‘ I whispered,

‘ fuck! *chuckles* I’m sorry for ruining the mood ‘ his voice cracked when he answered me,

I hugged him, caressing his back softly saying.

‘ It’s ok. Just cry it all out ‘

And he did.

He cried like a baby in my arms, tightening his hold on my shoulder, as if asking for me to lend him some strength.

And we fell asleep like that, our body still connected as one, with him on top of me messily have dried tears on his face.

A different sight of Gun once again,

a sight that I never want to see again because of the uncomfortable pricking of thorns to my heart whenever his delicate tears drop to my chest.

* * *

‘ Fucking turn around and close those eyes bastards!!! ‘ I yelled angrily at Arm and Tay while trying my best to cover Gun and I’s naked body. Gun who was still sleeping soundly yawned and woke up unbothered that two strangers are shamelessly ogling at us out of shock.

Arm who finally snapped out of it grabbed Tay’s collar and went out of the unit yelling from the outside

‘ Hurry up and put some clothes on then introduce us to him okay?! ‘

I face palm groaning before looking at Gun warily, ‘ Sorry, those are my best friends who like entering my place unannounced ‘

‘ why are you explaining? It’s ok this is your place, I’m the outsider here ‘ he hoarsely said as he start putting his clothes on.

When I was done fixing myself, I glanced at him and was caught off guard when he kissed my lips quickly. ‘ thank you for last night and I will appreciate it if you forget about it ‘

I nod automatically sighing ‘ Ok, as long as you let me introduce you to them because they won’t leave until I do it. You’ll end up being trapped here anyways. Beside if you will stay here you’ll most likely see them ‘

‘ they really act like this is their own place that much? ‘ he asked laughing and I smiled at that.

‘ yup, so you have no choice to stop being mysterious ‘

He nodded like a kid, ‘ at least let me brush my teeth and be decent before you introduce me? ‘

I pointed the bathroom and gestured for him to take his time, he smiled like his usual smile one last time before going inside.

\--

‘ so you two will live together now? What happened to going back as you used to be? ‘ Arm grinned while Tay on the other hand asked ‘ have you asked him about what I told you though? ‘

They were playing investigators when Gun finally showed up wearing a pair of comfy sweat pants and shirt, I smiled when he sat beside me and I smelled myself on him, he used my shampoo and soap.

‘ stop smiling, you look creepy like that ‘ Arm mocked and I tossed a pillow at him for that.

‘ Anyway. Gun, these are my best friends Arm and Tay. Arm, Tay this is Gun ‘

‘ your fuck buddy ‘

I clenched my jaw when these jerks stated those words proudly, I worriedly looked at Gun and laughed at myself for worrying at nothing.

This is Gun we are talking about why should I worry?

Gun laughed and nodded. ‘I always assumed Off is the type of a kiss and tell person so yup. I’m his fuck buddy. Nice to meet you. ‘

‘ hey Gun question? ‘ I frown at Tay, I already know what is his question even before he can say it but Gun just gestured to ask him so Tay did.

‘ who’s the guy you were kissing at the Love hotel? You two even went inside the room ‘

Gun gave me a knowing look before smiling as if he realized something

‘ Ah you found that out from your friend that’s why you went MIA on me. My bad, I should’ve not kissed him and went inside his room, I was just doing someone a favor back then. Sorry, but nothing happened Off, we have sex all the time you’ll know immediately if I did something dirty without telling you ‘

I smiled nodding, I realized about it late but I did thought that I will be the first one to know if Gun really did something unfair to me, I know his body that well. The two guys were amused at how Gun and I’s personality, logics almost everything is so alike all throughout their stay, I even felt like hiding Gun inside my room when the two keeps on flocking and being all over him when they were playing video games earlier in the afternoon.

**\--**

**[TRACK 8- ON THE FLOOR]**

When the sun sets, I kicked them out and even confiscated their access card of my unit, since I don’t want them going here unannounced again while Gun is staying here, I closed my fist while staring at Gun who is currently getting us some beers and nachos, we decided to watch the movie called ‘ the notebook ‘

Why am I so pissed off at Arm when he placed his arms around Gun comfortably earlier?

Why do I want to strangle Tay when Gun kept complimenting his looks?

Why do…I act like a jealous boyfriend kicking my friends out to have Gun all to myself?

When Gun sat beside me on the floor, with his eyes fixated on the screen I did nothing but stare at him and look away when he caught me. Fuck.

I gulped when I saw some cheese smudges from the nachos he ate on the side of his lips, Gun looked at me confused when I grabbed his face and turn his head towards me,

*lick* *smile*

‘ you got something on your face, didn’t know you were a messy eater ‘

I said flirtingly, he playfully grin at me. ‘ messy eater you say? ‘ he teased as I lean back when he started crawling above my thighs,

‘ I thought you want to watch this movie ‘ I asked playing innocent even though I already understand his next move, he shrugged grinning before he started rubbing the surface of my sweat pants.

‘ I can multitask ‘

Fuck.

Am I …

really falling for this guy?


	5. Induce Anesthesia

‘ Hey handsome! You forgot your keys ‘ A sleepy Gun ran towards me at the parking basement, I scanned him up and down looking sexy bringing justice wearing my white hoodies that reached his mid-thigh, I grabbed his waist and kiss him on his lips, spanking his butt after.

‘ who told you to go out in public looking illegally sexy? ‘ he chuckles slapping my chest.

‘ Oops I forgot to put on my pants, anyway I’ll go back sleeping now bye *kiss* ‘

He waved goodbye at me and at Tay who’s currently smirking, as he sat to the passenger seat of my car.

‘ what? ‘

‘ weird, no matter how I look at it, recently you two… are clearly playing house ‘

I rolled my eyes at him ‘ stop overanalyzing us ‘

‘ Dude, trust me if Nam is here she will clearly misunderstand your relationship with Gun now and clap her hands out of giddiness. You two look like a married couple, Gun sending his husband off to work after a wild sex ‘

I punched him across his shoulder which he just brushed off.

‘ I’m just saying. With you two living under the same roof, having sex, sending you off to work, waiting for you at your place after work, seeing each other first thing in the morning and last person at night, cooking each other’s meals, you two flirting while doing laundry, him hanging out with us… your besties when you’re still dead tired, it’s far from being just fuck buddies—‘

And he goes on and on blabbering about my relationship upgrade with Gun, it’s been three months since Gun end up living with me, three months yet it feels like we’ve been living together for…a long time. We already had sex in almost every corner of my place except for the bed, which stand as my reminder that no matter how we are much closer now, the boundary of us being just fuck buddies remain intact.

Gun… despite living with him, being closer and intimate with him, he… will always be like a mystery box to me, full of surprises, fully unknown….no matter how much I try to solve it… that intrigued me and puzzle me all the time.

\--

‘ ah what a creep, stop staring at me while I’m sleeping ‘

Gun teased when he caught me. *kiss*

‘ aww, you don’t find it romantic? ‘

Gun shudders with his whole body before pushing me down to the sofa, walking to the kitchen to open the fridge.

‘ Weirdo. It’s only romantic if we are lovers but we’re not. You keep forgetting about that important fact ‘

I chuckled at his unfiltered sharp comment. ‘ How can I forget about that when you keep reminding me almost every damn day. ‘

Which is true, Gun will act sweet and romantic at times unconsciously leaving me speechless then will be snap out of it when he open his cold mouth.

‘ Anyway, did you just slept the whole day? ‘

‘ Not really, I went out for an hour or so ‘

‘ Where did you go? ‘

Gun raised his eyebrows at me making me cough ‘ you don’t actually need to answer that ‘

He laughed placing a mouthful looking meal on the dining table. I blinked twice before gazing at him.

‘ I did some groceries because you forgot. So eat up. I’ll go and take a shower ‘

I massaged my temple, yup Gun take good care of me like this then constantly remind me that we’re nowhere near being…lovers. I asked him once before why… why is he catering me and more, that is not in the description of a fuck buddy and he will just laugh at me, patting my back while saying,

‘ Why? Are you feeling moved by it? butterflies inside your stomach?

Did I managed to enter your heart now just because I show you a boyfriend/husband material side of me? Hahaha Don’t misunderstand it. I’m just showing you my good side because I have no financial problems because of you, since you don’t want me to pay you rent and share money for groceries etc. The least I can do is serve you but never give deep meaning to it okay? *smile* ‘

Gun likes playing house but that’s it.

And my poor heart always have to suffer.

Why?

Because as much as I hate to admit it.

I am… starting to like being with him literally more than just fucking him.

I am starting to go out less and wanting to stay at home because he’s here.

I am starting to like playing house with him,

To like seeing him asleep on the sofa, as if he’s waiting for my safe arrival after a long flight,

To like watching him cook dinner while I flirt him all through out,

Liking how he listen and comfort me when I woke up on the wrong side of the bed,

And Fuck it. I’m fucking scared.

Because a big part of me feels like I’m eating all up my fucking words, my fucking wisdoms before and after I met him. I’m starting to be like the people, I’m used laughing at, I’m starting to be like Arm, Tay, Alice and Nam who soften up and go crazy because of a mere affection from a certain person.

I’m starting to be hopeful, daydreaming of ugh! yuck!

I’m fucking scared,

that’s why I will never accept it, because I’m well aware that even after all that, at the end….all of these things with Gun will be nothing but… Illusions.

And I… will never fucking accept to be a loser in a thing that I started.

I can’t accept defeat and be a loser on a thing I mastered for years, not now…

Not with a person I can’t even have sex on the bed.

I can’t accept to have feelings for someone who’s exactly like me. People like me are better off alone.

I can’t give up my pride and ego….to a person like him, so I remain playful, a pro-fucker at the same time

inducing anesthesia around my heart to feel nothing more than pleasure, build up walls and strictly stay alert with my emotions.

Gun is just a guy I have a habit of fucking.

* * *

Who am I kidding?

Gun entered my whole system like a fastidious virus. A deadly virus to be exact. I need to save myself before it’s too late.

And so I did.

Two weeks before we hit anniversary of us being fuck buddies,

‘ I… ‘

Gun paused from wearing his pajama top and stare back at me.

‘I... wanted out ‘

He tilted his head, leaning his arm to my bedroom door frowning, ‘ out? Of what? You might want to elaborate that ‘

I play aloof and shrug,

‘I started our deal and now I’m ending it. I just don’t feel... fucking you anymore, you no longer excite me ‘

Lies. When did you even master how to lie shamelessly OFF?

Ahhhh. Right ever since this guy showed up… I found myself committing lies almost every day to keep my pride intact.

Despite my cold response he laughed entertained. ‘ we literally just fucked a while ago, a steamy one at top of that. And dude! You’re over the roof last weekend when I finally agreed doing that pervy role play of yours freak Psh! You better go and get some sleep. ‘ he smirked annoyingly as he continue buttoning his pajama. 

He was about to leave the room when I added

‘ I’m serious Gun. Let’s call it quits ‘

He sighed out of patience and I feel like hiding when he seriously gaze at me before saying the forbidden words,

‘ you…. YOU are indeed falling for me aren’t you and you can’t handle it well that’s why you’re cutting me off‘

I chuckled coldly, ‘ Don’t flatter yourself too much Gun ‘

‘ Just tell it to me clearly Off and stop spouting nonsense. ‘

‘ you’re the one saying ridiculous assumptions!!! There’s no way I feel such attachment towards you! ‘

He rolled his eyes when my voice started to sound defensive. It annoys me up to my bones how he is clearly acting cool.

‘ For real. Lying and beating around the bush doesn’t match you. So answer me honestly and… I’ll tell you something in return ‘

I gulped, keeping a stoned-face I answered.

‘ If I say yes… with your cocky assumptions.. will you call it quits then? Will you fucking stop and leave me alone---‘

I buried my face to my palm when I heard his immediate answer, a single word that strike like a sword to my heart.

.

.

.

.

‘ YES ‘

I rudely stare at his direction scoffing and he… continued staring at me as well, coldly.

‘ I hate responsibilities as much as you do. You out of all people knows that. And I can’t be responsible for making you feel emotions towards me that should not exist in the first place. We had a clear deal. Fuck buddies. That's it. The main and only reason we are even seeing each other is for a good fuck. I draw lines between us so why would you even fall for me?‘

I sit up straight, clenching my jaw, I feel... insulted which is pathetic right? thinking I'm used to this kind of talks, especially with Gun.

‘ Drawing lines? Are you even hearing yourself Gun? you were the first one who showed me emotions, you... crossed the border first ‘

I reasoned out remembering the first time I saw him cry and broken.

‘ you were the first one… who started acting out of the character of being just a pleasure outlet ‘

I added gripping the end of my pillow as I remember the first time he started cooking meals, sending me off to work and other stuffs that keep leading me on.

‘ Off, I didn’t lead you on if you are trying to put blame on me, I keep reminding you that’s my only way showing gratitude of you letting me live here without anything in return except for sex ‘

I looked away, laughing in a fake laugh. ‘ why are you sounding like you pity me or something, I’m just saying Gun. *clicks tongue* besides, good thing you’re wrong because if you were right that I do have feelings for you more than lust and ,my libido. Man! I will have no face left to look at you and every people who knew me ‘

‘ I feel nothing towards you except for sexual desires Gun and since you want a clear and honest answer. Fine. I want someone else now. I got my eyes on someone and I can’t make a move on him--‘

Half-lie as I kept my image strong.

‘ because I'm in your way ‘ Gun continued then finally smiled and I feel like punching him when I saw relief crossed his face.

‘ that’s good then, you will not feel used and abandoned on what I’m about to tell you, it came earlier than expected but I guess it's better this way. ‘

I stood up and went to him frowning, I feel like cold water was splashed all over me.

‘ what do you mean? ‘

‘ I’m planning to move out since last last week? and I was also contemplating for the past few days to take a break from our deal. ‘

My eyes twitched because of what I heard. I pull myself together and fake a smile.

‘ I guess we are really alike huh. Let me guess, you also got bored with me? with our set up? that's more likely possible or... you are also interested with someone else.

Do you mind telling me the reason... why? I told you mine. ‘

He slightly opened his mouth and was about to tell me , but his phone started ringing, he hurriedly ran outside the room to answer it as if he was expecting the call. I followed him silently wearing nothing but a plain sweat pants. I watched him paled and glanced at me, his hands were shaking, and lips were trembling as he stretched a smile.

‘ Can I borrow your car? I need to go somewhere. Urgent, we’ll talk more later about our unfinished business ‘

I nodded and did a side-eye glance to his phone while he was getting the car key ,

_L_ _OVE *hearts*_

was the registered name of the caller.

The same caller who provoked me to finally stop, never accept my feelings for Gun and officially cut him off my life, days ago and finally executing it now, well atleast before his phone rang. I watched him ran hurriedly out of my unit wearing inside slippers and not even bothering to change his sleeping clothes.

\--

3 hrs

5 hrs

I’ve been waiting anxiously for five hours, still no sign of Gun coming back until hours turned to two days,

I was insanely gone mad and wanted to teach Gun a lesson. A lesson he won’t ever forget.

I wanted him to know I'm not weak, I'm not a tool of his that he can dispose when he feels like it and grab unto it anytime he wants. 

I'm the one who was supposed to be like that.

I'm the one usually leaving, abandoning toys I had enough of. 

Not the other way around. 

*door opens*

*thug*

I and the guy underneath me froze, and slowly looked at Gun who dropped his phone to the floor upon seeing us on top of the bed. 

Unbothered, I stood up, put on some clothes hiding my naked form,

I stare at the guy I just had sex with. 

‘ Stay and Sleep here. I’ll just talk to him for a sec, RUN ‘

as I revealed the guy’s name, I stare directly at Gun receiving an unbelievable look from him, I shrugged.

‘ I was feeling lonely and got tired waiting for you, even clueless if you’ll ever be back so – ‘

I was about to add more lame but provoking reasons for him to push his buttons but then I noticed his puffy eyes, and he... was still wearing the same clothes when he left days ago.

‘ what happened? ‘

He looked down for a moment and when he raised his head he was already smiling.

‘ I’m glad you didn’t wait for me. I honestly came back to get my stuffs, and give you a proper goodbye. It's true though I did thought of not going back here because I already saw this coming sooner or later. I also have no reasons to come back but decided that I should cut us clean so I can look at you in the eye properly if one day we'll ever meet again. Don't mind me. I'll leave immediately after getting my things. You can go back to your business with him. Thanks for all the fun Off. We’re good right? See you around then? ‘

He didn’t batted an eye while saying that straight to my face, I stood there numb even after he slammed the door to my face,

I flinched when I was hit by Run with a pillow.

‘ You know, I won’t mind if you go after him? ‘

I stood in front of him saying nothing,

‘Seriously, you’re letting him walk out of your life just like that? when it's obvious your hands are itching to stop him ‘

I exhaled and smiled at him this time around.

‘ Should we continue and go for a second round? ‘

He frowned but grin after shaking his head at me. ' Aish. You really never changed huh. And here I thought you finally find someone who can tame you. '

' right back at you '

Just like that I kept my pride unscratched, I have my sanity and confidence oozing, my ego was maintained unbruised, go back to the way things should be and I was free from unnecessary emotions.

In exchange of losing Gun,

I got everything back including myself under control.

But why do tears keep running down my face whenever I go back home and see that there's no one sleeping on the sofa anymore. 


	6. Broken Identity

**[ FOUR YEARS LATER…. ]**

‘ Off, how about this guy? ‘

‘ not my type Alice‘

‘ what about him? ‘

‘ Arm, the dude looks like a psycho, next ‘

‘ AHA! Man! How about this fellow over here? he’s cute right? right? ‘

‘ Very cute, and will surely end up being clingy Tay. What an awful taste you have. I only need someone to show-off and fake date for a while since Dad is pressuring me. Next ‘

‘ too rough and edgy ‘

‘ what an emo ‘

‘ hahahaha he’s young enough to be my son stupid! ‘

‘ Nope. Find someone else ‘

‘ are you trying to kill me? ‘

‘ AHHHHH YOU KNOW WHAT?! FUCK YOU! GO AND JUST SUFFER UNCLE/DAD’S WRATH!!! ‘

I spontaneously laughed at my best friends Alice, Tay and Arm when they yelled in chorused at me for turning down all the guys they’ve been choosing for hours now for me to date. Nam was giggling at the corner, letting these three select people for me. I sat down next to her rubbing her belly gently,

‘ Tch. You’re honestly the sexiest pregnant woman that I know sis. I can’t believe our baby Ro here is 3 months now ‘

She smiled at my compliment and patted my hand that is on her stomach.

‘ you will really try deceiving dad? ‘

Dad.

Never once interfered with my decisions in life same as with Nam, he treated us and trusted us equally. Reward us whenever we achieved something, give punishment and let us reflect on ourselves when we did something we are fully aware that was wrong. He’s the coolest and definitely a chill dad, the best father ever… when we turned adults and chose to stay here instead of joining him back to our home province when mom died, the only favor he always asked us, is for him to witness us settle down and live happily with our own family, so he can die at peace knowing that we will never be empty, lonely and have someone to take care of us. He was the happiest man on earth when Nam and Tay got married, threw a festival like party in the province when Rin was born. The only thing that worries him now is me. He’s getting older and older yet he see no signs of me wanting to settle down. It will be his 70th birthday next month and his wish is for us to visit him, Nam and her growing family, me hoping with a serious partner, because if I won’t bring anyone with me this year my bachelor life style will be threatened, once again just like last year with Dad following me around introducing every single person he knows for me to date. 

‘ any tips for him to get off my back? ‘ I pouted

‘ you can’t blame him, the day you sold your condo unit three years ago which I still don’t understand the reason why, you even asked Tay and I to let you live with us even if you are fully aware that I will annoy you daily about your affairs and you will no longer have the freedom, privacy as well that you treasure. You gave him enough reason to be worried. I love you being with us Off, Rin even loves to be with you more than her dad but don’t you want to have a family of your own? Or just at least a partner? ‘

‘With us getting older I realized more the fact that I’m not fond of responsibilities Nam is getting stronger. Getting married and having kids is amazing but comes with a great responsibility. I’m not into it. Same as having a partner. I’m contented just taking care of you guys and everyone are happy. ‘

‘then tell that to dad be honest, that’s way better than deceiving him, he will understand maybe not on the spot but he will‘ She kissed me on the cheeks before excusing herself to prepare meals.

* * *

‘ Fuck. I’m dead tired Tay arghhhhh ‘

‘ that’s simply because you’re aging! Hahaha ‘

I punched his stomach

‘ we’re the same age dumbass! Hahaha ‘

Tay and I just landed after a long flight, we were teasing one another and talking about Nam’s mood swings when a flight attendant called our attention, ‘ Captains ‘

‘ any problem? ‘

‘Why are you all still here? ‘

She was about to tell me… but then a hard thing bumped onto me, when I looked down, a cute little kid with cool hairstyle, wearing plain red hoodie is eyeing me from head to toe. I opened my mouth to say something when another kid who looked exactly the same with the first kid but in a different hairstyle, appeared running towards us, Damn! lastly another carbon copy of the two kids is behind him beating one of our crews. (well, I can’t really call it a beating tho it’s more like scolding the crew)

‘ aw! We have triplets on board! ‘/ ‘ what the fuck? ‘

Tay glared when I cursed in front of the kids opposite to his lovely comment.

‘ Cap!! they said they’re looking for their dad, they got separated five minutes ago ‘

I chuckled, rolling my eyes ‘ heck! what irresponsible dad you got there huh kiddos? ‘ Tay send me warning looks, ‘ don’t say such things like that in front of them let’s announce it, I’m sure their parent is going crazy looking for them ‘

‘ how can that parent let his kids get out of his sight while travelling Psh people like him should not have kids if he can’t watch over them ‘

Unfortunate events like this is equivalent to accident report meaning we can’t go home until we send these kids back to their parent which made my mood go sour. I’m already drained, my head is killing me thinking about dad and now this?

‘ what are your names? ‘

‘ EO from Theo ‘ the most innocent looking answered with a sweet voice

‘ VIN ‘ the grumpy-looking kid who bumped me earlier frowned and lastly the Brainiac kid lifted his hoodie’s left sleeve showing a silicone black wrist band that have engraved details.

_CY Phunsawat_

_In case of emergency : +1 100-419-9300_

‘ That’s my name and my dad’s number. My brothers and I are habitual troublemakers, my dad made that and make sure we wear it every day just in case. So captain ….‘

Tay and rest of the staffs inside looked at my direction when the kid pointed at me.

‘ take back all the insults you said about my dad ‘ he demanded, the kid named Eo whispered to his brother. ‘ insh-shulted daddy? When? ‘

‘ Aww! ‘ I hissed when the other triplet named Vin bite my hand sticking his out at me. ‘ bleh ‘

I glimpsed at Tay scoffing ‘Unbelievable these kids are wild, did you see what that kid did to me?‘

‘ they’re not wild, more like protective of their dad tsk aside from Rin all kids are really not fond of you. Goodluck with my second child Hahaha! ‘

Tay crouched and messed up with the triplet’s hair. ‘ Captain Off said he’s sorry for calling your dad irresponsible and saying other stuff about him ok? ‘

Vin creases his eyebrows, ‘ Cy am I deaf? I heard no sorry from him ‘ he smirked challenging me

Before I can talk back Tay pulled the three to his side and kept the wild little ones busy with his lame magic tricks

‘ Lol. I just realized the triplet’s name maybe was derived from the troublemaker chipmunks‘

‘ what? ‘

‘Come on! The siblings in Alvin and the Chipmunks! ‘

Comments coming from the security staff triggered a memory in me.

_‘ For the last time! they are chipmunks Off! Not squirrels !!!! ‘ Gun whined correcting me. I laughed kissing his head._

_‘ Ok! chipmunks then! Come on, you always watch those talking chipmunks who did nothing but cause trouble Hahaha can we switch the channel? I’m not into watching this type of childishness. Let’s watch something else‘_

_‘yeah right, because the only film you know is all rated R, take a time off watching porn will you? ‘ He teased_

_‘ Porn? Rated R huh. Come here!!! I’ll show you how rated my favorite film is! ‘_

_‘ Ahhhhhh! Off Leave me alone! I still want to watch the ending song scene!!! ‘ Gun keep kicking his feet receiving a slap to his butt from me since I tossed and carried him on my shoulder like a bag of rice._

‘ OFF ‘

‘ huh? ‘ I snapped out or reminiscing when Tay slap my face gently.

‘ Security said the triplet’s father is already outside, let’s go ‘

I nodded and can’t help but let my heart melt when I saw the triplets crying, swarming their father who seemed to kneel to match his kid’s height.

‘ Aish! Such a handful yet lovely kids he got. The triplets were all acting cool and calm despite being lost in a huge unfamiliar space but the moment they heard their dad is outside, they hurriedly ran, cried and acted like real babies to their father’s arm ‘ Tay commented smiling, I laughed and nod.

‘ Come on we still need to make sure he is their dad—‘ my sentence was cut-off when the triplet’s dad stood up, carrying EO in his arms while each side of his hand is holding Vin and Cy.

Tay gasped saying the name of the person in front. ‘ GUN! ‘

Gun looked shocked as we are, but smiled later on. A smile far from his usual flirty smile, even his eyes changed. As if he was a complete different person.

‘ Off. Tay. Long time no see ‘

My mouth slightly opened only to be tightlipped after, my eyes went back and front to the triplets back to Gun, Tay was annoyingly catching up with Gun while the latter fill up details for the incident report.

‘ ATTHAPHAN PHUNSAWAT ‘ Tay read Gun’s full and real name that we had no hope knowing if it weren’t for the triplets who got lost. My fist clenched when I noticed how his ring finger is no longer empty.

‘ Gun. Tay and I will go ahead. Nice meeting you again and see you doing well. ‘

I grabbed Tay by the collar and hurriedly walked out not giving a chance for Gun to talk.

‘ Dude! We just saw Gun! Man after long years of gone missing we crossed path again isn’t that awesome! Shocking right? Wait those lovely triplets are his? Whoa hoho who would’ve thought -shit—fuck? ‘

before I knew it, Tay already witnessed tears pouring down my face.

* * *

‘ HA?! YOUR FUCK BUDDY GUN IS MARRIED AND ALREADY HAVE 3 YEARS OLD TRIPLETS?! ‘

I chugged the beer and nod annoyed at Arm. We are inside the Love Hotel’s entertainment area drinking after the incident with Gun. Tay did all the talking with Arm, while I drown myself with alcohol still in shock seeing a family man Gun.

Arm carefully lean closer to me ‘ you… regret it don’t you? ‘

I glared at him. ‘ regret what? ‘

He shrugged patting my shoulder.

‘ seeing Gun like that I honestly think what ifs came rushing into you, may I remind you that you did felt something for him but overlooked it because of your pride, ego and fears, so you chose to do the most cowardly and asshole act. Hey… No need to be so down. I, everyone who knows the whole story between you guys understand why you acted like that and why you’re reacting like this now. I mean, if only you saw it coming that Gun is capable of marrying and being a father? I’m sure you will act differently. ‘

I said nothing and just smiled at him.

Tay whistled ‘ anyway no wonder the triplet’s look somewhat familiar…. they’re exactly Gun’s carbon copy. ‘

I chuckled and shake my head. ‘ Even some of his manners his kids copied them. I wonder how he is like now, as a person… as a father…. as a husband? *chuckles* *messing hair* man! I can’t help but be curious. He just like driving me nuts ‘

Arm crossed his arms grinning at me. ‘ Tay you said both of you now knows Gun’s real full name right? ‘

I slowly nodded confused. ‘ So? ‘

‘ Brother, you keep forgetting that our bestfriend here is a former detective and still have connections. And now that we know Gun’s full name we can finally do something. Do you want to do a background check on him? ‘

I sobered up hearing Tay’s suggestion, and expectantly stare at Arm which he returned with a wink.

‘ consider it done in one condition ‘

* * *

‘ Wow! I feel so lucky to have people like you guys around me. What a supportive family and friends I got here ‘ I sarcastically stated looking at Arm, Tay, Alice, Nam and Dad! Yes my dad is here! all because of Arm’s condition, that I will come clean to all of them, tell them all the details that happened with Gun. And when Nam found out I really did have feelings for Gun, that I sold my unit because it remind me of Gun, she hurriedly deliver the news to our old man and dad popped here out of nowhere, hitting my back for my foolish decisions. I rolled my eyes looking Run who recently arrived,

' what the hell are you doing here? '

' I was also curious who made my ex boyfriend officially stop sleeping around ' 

I clenched my jaw hitting his head. 

' huh? what are you saying he still sleep around not much but still! ' Nam sounded intrigued grinning at me. 

' Nam this guy here fooled everyone, eversince he moved to live in your house he never slept with anyone again, even with me! hahaha he just pretend to have affairs now and then to keep nosy people out '

' fuck you ' I raised my middle finger at Run which he ignored. 

‘ Haaa! Everyone shut up! Arm start presenting I want to see my boy cry because of his stupidity that will serve him a lesson he won't forget. And also I'm really curious who played my son well! hahaha ‘ my dad proudly stated and all I can do was to exhale deep breath. We gathered in the middle, encircling Arm and his laptop, which have the information about Gun. Just like the night, the atmosphere around us keep getting colder and heavier as we dig deeper and realized how badly the gap of the real Gun to the Gun I had sex/ lived with and Gun I’ve been thinking the entire time.

Name: ATTHAPHAN PHUNSAWAT

Birthdate: Jan 04 1991

Age: 29

Parents: Unknown, Orphan at the age of 12, self-supporting himself by working as a utility boy

Former Address: Lived in a private ancestral house that he often trespassed, where he met Love his best friend same age as him, the only daughter of the ancestral house owner and currently his wife.

Current Address: UNI L Subdivision block 51A house number 1001

Current Status: Married to Love Limpatiyakorn

Children: Simon Phunsawat, Alvin Phunsawat, Theodore Phunsawat [3 years old-Identical Triplets]

Occupation/ work experiences: messenger and utility boy of a prostitution house- gardener-dish washer-waiter-delivery man; multiple jobs at a time

Currently own the rising famous Love-Bites Bakery Shop

These were the only basics stuffs about Gun’s real identity, I was perplexed that my mind shut down and no longer absorbed anything after, my mind was now just filled with confusion, questions and sympathy.

Fuck.

Why do I feel ashamed and embarrassed of myself after knowing all these?

How did he end up being the same Gun who was nothing but a good fuck?

The same fearless, confident and sexy Gun?

Is Atthaphan Phunsawat and the Gun that I know really the same individual?

How is that possible? 

* * *

[ Author’s POV ]

‘ Dad ‘

Gun quickly hide his wallet, outstretching his arm towards his brainy child, ‘ yes Cy? Are you and your brothers done brushing your teeth? ‘

The kid nodded before caressing his father’s hair that made Gun paused.

‘ are we short on money again? ‘

How a merely four year old child can asked such worry made Gun chuckled, pinching both of his son’s cheek.

‘ why did you even thought about that matter? ‘

‘ caught you crying while staring at your wallet ‘

Fully entertained with Cy’s answer, he kissed his adorable cheeks.

‘ Daddy is not staring at his wallet and we are definitely not short on money. Look closely, ‘

Gun softly showed his wallet to his worried son, and the latter’s face brightened up while saying

‘ Mommy!!! ‘

‘ ding dong ding dong! Yup. I’m staring at your mother’s picture because I miss her so much, too bad she needed to stay for work so she was delayed in coming home. We’ll miss her for a couple of days. ‘

‘ hihihi daddy is sooo clingy like a baby ‘

Gun tickles Cy’s waist for teasing him ‘ said the one who clings to me every day ‘

‘ yuck! Cy is a clingy baby to daddy ‘ Vin mocked wiggling his shoulder at them while Eo clap beside him copying what his brother said. ' Yuck! Clingy baby hihihi ‘

‘ sthap! Stop! Daddy nyahaha you’re ruining my cool image! Don’t ruin me in front of my brotherssss‘

Gun laughed at his children’s cheekiness he then captured everyone, scooping them into his arms making the triplets yell and giggles.

‘ Off to bed we go chipmunks hahaha! ‘

They went to bed and sleep together as always, Eo thumb-sucking in his sleep while on top of Gun’s chest, Cy on his right side hugging his arm and Vin in an upside down position on the left side, hugging Gun’s legs.

Before the triplets came into his life, Gun never even imagined being a family man, he never even dreamed having a relationship more-so a family of his own, he was contented with his fluid-like lifestyle, where he just go with the flows. Work hard then Play to your heart’s content after, that’s it.

But look at him now, a proper source of income and a family that never crossed his mind to achieve. And all thanks to one person.

If he was a fluid then LOVE is his container, she’s the one giving shape to Gun’s no form self, she was his compass giving him direction, she was the first one who extended hand to him when others play deaf to his cries of help, she stayed by his side and fight for him even though he has nothing to offer to her, she just means everything to him than he can do anything for her. Anything. 


	7. Not The One

Forget about him.

Let him be.

I should leave him alone.

That’s what I decided after knowing all the behind and current status of Gun, yet here I am shamelessly staring at Love-Bites, the pastel themed bakery shop that belonged to Gun.

Something in my heart tugged looking at Gun smiling while watching over his children from the counter. I inserted my hands to my pocket and was about to leave when a small hand grip? More likely hugged my legs, I laughed at Eo, the youngest triplet smiling at me.

‘ Cap-tain! Bread! Cakes! ‘ he chanted bouncing and behind him I saw Gun running after him, he halted at first when he saw me with his son but smiled later on.

‘ Off ‘

‘ I-I was just passing by. I didn’t know--- ‘

‘ *chuckles* Stop making excuses Captain. Come on. My Eo won’t stop until you enter the shop. ‘

\--

Taking an entire closer look inside, Love-bites is rather not that small compared to what it looked like outside, the whole interior design is rather social media-worthy, sweet and creative. Roaming my eyes to the glass countertop food displays, I find myself salivating specially remembering how good Gun’s pastries are and he was just playing around back then, how much more now that he took it seriously? I was surprised when I saw at least 5 staffs inside, Gun gestured for me to follow him and I did despite Cy and Vin walking behind me are glaring, receiving a tap to my chest from Eo made me remember that I am carrying him.

‘hmm?’

‘ Eo. Floor ‘

Before I can ask what he meant by that, I felt Gun’s arms brushing mine as he transfer his child from mine to his arms, and put him down after. Eo ran giggling to his brothers, I shake my head when the triplets run to the other side of the shop and saw a well-thought kid’s corner where a rectangular ball pit exist, filled with pastel colored plastic balls, they all dived into it laughing, playfully throwing balls at one another.

My attention went back to Gun who laid down a slice of blueberry macaroon swirl cake and a regular size of Love-bites chilled red tea. I smiled at him and take a sip only to cough with his unfiltered choice of words.

‘ hmm… tell me… did you come here with the intention of wanting to have sex with me again? ‘

I spilled some of the beverage because of that, throwing him a glare after. He laughed while giving me a tissue.

‘ What? It was an honest question Off. ‘

‘ and if I did answer yes… will you have sex with me? ‘ my stupid mouth took action of its own and I smiled shaking my head when I heard his honest answer.

‘ Oh I will… way back then… I will. I always enjoy having sex with you *glance at the family portrait designated at the middle of the shop* but I’m happy where I am right now so I’m sorry to say that sexual relation between us again is no longer possible. Don’t feel bad though you’re not the only one I rejected. I’m just simply no longer available hahaha ‘

I chuckle, Gun remained cruel with his unfiltered mouth,

‘ Feel bad my ass! Obviously I was just messing with you *huffed* I don’t dreamt being a home wrecker’

‘ Good! We can be friends though, that’s the only one left missing in my life to be perfect, an amazing friend beside Love. You see, *chuckles* my wife is also the only friend that I have, back then and now *wiggle eyebrows* ‘

I smile glancing at the only woman in the family portrait

'your wife? She’s extraordinary beautiful ‘

Gun chuckled ‘ beautiful and damn crazy ‘.

I nod loss at words and start eating, in a while

I glanced at the latter when he kept his eyes on me.

‘ what? ‘

Shaking his head, he smiled at me, I can’t even count how many times he smiled at me today.

‘ Nothing I’m just glad to see you again, the way we knew each other and called it quits in the past was rushed and reckless. I’ve been thinking of you at times you know? I’m glad everything turned out fine. Psh I really thought you’ll act as if we’re stranger if we ever meet again. But no! you called my name at the airport and now you’re checking out my shop ‘ Full of himself he ranted.

‘ I told you it was a mere coincidence, I didn’t know that you own this shop *cross fingers*, anyway I’m more glad to see you genuinely happy and contented. I’m not petty to be hang up with the past ...furthermore I should be the one worried if you hate me, since I did mess up our deal even before we can call it quits ‘ I said looking at the aesthetic cake in front of me.

‘ Nah. All thanks to you messing up our deal. I have this life now! thanks to you fucking up made it easier for me to decide ‘ he beamed

I almost snap my head with the way, I quickly looked at him. What in the hell does that mean?

‘ huh? ‘

‘ that night if you didn’t let me be, and really did like me, maybe I’m still the same Gun as years ago, maybe even worse *smile*. I will keep using you for my personal gain ‘

‘ w-what do you mean? *nervous laugh* you're making me... anxious‘

My heart was threatening to jump off my body as I wait for his answer and when he did all I can do was curse myself in my thoughts.

‘ Remember me saying that I will leave you if you did fell for me? During that time, when the situation with Love became complicated and I needed to choose, believe it or not you came into my mind, I thought about it a multiple of times *chuckle* our set-up to be specific made me stepped back once or twice. I realized the set-up with you was rather safer? Yeah, it was safer for me because I know our boundaries, sex and company. And if ever we cross that line, I know I always have the upper hand because I’m confident I will never like you the way you like me. Selfish me wanted to take that opportunity. Glad…that you fuck around and didn’t really like me that way. If ever you stopped me from leaving and I did choose you along with our crazy set-up, I could’ve ended resenting myself or maybe you end up cursing me one day because I will only keep taking advantage of your feelings for me ‘

* * *

‘ This is all your fault you suggested that crazy set-up! ‘

‘ aww! Hon, you can’t put the blame on me? I never saw it coming that he will really catch feelings and I did warned him before, to put an end to it before it gets messy ‘

‘ Geez! Arm you should’ve knock some sense to those two when they were still planning that stupid plan! ‘

‘ Al, Baby, there’s no use blaming one another. We should focus how he will get over him. ‘

‘ huhuhu my poor son why did you fell in love with a complicated guy? ‘

‘ Aish! This is unfair! That Gun sure is unfortunate and lucky at the same time. Unfortunate because of his background but lucky since out of all people he was the only one who made this asshole ex and friend of mine, go crazy for him ‘

I chuckled at how cute my people are, they all joined me in my misery of stupidity, I could’ve gotten Gun, if only I set aside my pride and ego for a moment to stop him and not leave me back then.

‘ _I could’ve ended resenting myself ..._ hmm son what did he meant by that line? ‘

I bow my head, sadly answering dad’s confusion.

‘ If he chose me and Love end up disappearing in his life he’ll forever regret it, and will hate himself in the future, I-honestly admit he made the right choice, and that was choosing Love. ‘

‘ Off ‘ I laid my head to Nam’s shoulder,

‘ Tonight, I’ll admit to everyone here that I really did loved Gun, but still I was not ready for it. During that time I don’t know how to handle serious feelings like that. I hate myself for falling to someone that reminds me of myself. At the same time I regret it, he could’ve been mine right? And even if he was confident he won’t love me, I doubt it because come on... of course! I won’t stop until he loves me back tsk I was fully conceited just like him too about not falling for him but look at me now? *groans* AHH! Fuck it! ha-ha maybe I’m just not the one for him hmm? ‘ at my last sentence, lame tears started falling no matter how hard I look up to the sky to hold them in. Nam kept caressing my head hushing me.

‘ you’ll get over him ‘ Tay patted my back.

I smiled at him sarcastically. ‘ that’s the thing, weird but I don’t want to Tay ‘

‘ Off ‘ Alice called my name, I pat her hand on my shoulder twice.

‘ As martyr and masochist as it sounds, I don’t want to forget him ….even the pain, all of it. I want to embrace it still. I don’t want to let go because... it's not everyday that I can fall in love right? who knows when will I ever have the chance to be in love again? No need to worry about me, I don’t have plans getting him back, I have no plans telling him about my feelings, I have no plans to ruin what he have now. I just want to continue loving him, and this time I want to be in his life, properly. Not a fuck buddy, not a one night stand, not a place or food sponsor, an acquaintance, most importantly not a stranger. I’m fine being his friend, that’s the only vacant position in his life right now. I don’t mind filling that up. ‘

Ugh! I can’t believe this is EVER possible

I, Captain Off Jumpol, known for his seven seconds rule, boys and girls lining up on me…

dropping one night stands of mine like nothing,

me who hates mushy couples,

crappy cheesy lines in movies and such

...... just dropped those lame emotional lines at my age, at my fucking age as if I'm some high school kid who finally have his first love.

ah....

right

HE IS MY FIRST LOVE

Alice hugging me along with Nam, proudly kissed my cheeks while I can hear Arm and Tay sniffling together with my dad…

What an emotional sight yet was ruined because of my ex, who I completely forgot that was here.

‘ I am always right here though. *winks*‘

We all glared at Run who ruined the moment but laughed all together when Run shrugged.

‘ What? I feel awkward standing in a corner and watching you all cry. ‘

I was about to smack his head for ruining my HU-HU party when my phone rang.

_Gun Atthaphan calling…_

Oh. Gun and I exchanged contacts, that easy, because we are friends now.

I glanced at my family and friends being curious as I answer my phone, I set it in a loud speaker because they will just bug me about the call later if I won’t.

_Hey Off! Do you want to come over this Saturday?_

I was about to ask what’s the occasion when I heard a sweet voice coming the other line, **his wife.**

_*chuckles* my crazy wife said she wants to see if you really look cooler and more handsome than before like what I told her_

‘ You mentioned me being handsome to your wife? ‘ I asked weirdly,

_Come on, just tell me if you’ll come_

‘ Uh… sure? ‘

_Ok! See you then *hangs up*_

_Saturday._

_I will finally meet Love._

_Gun’s best friend / wife._

_Saturday._

_I will officially play the role of a friend._

_A friend of the person, whom I actually wished was mine._

* * *

‘ Oho, stalker? ‘

Cy accused me, cutely raising his left eyebrow that remind me of Gun whenever he was accusing me of something back then. He yelped when Gun snatched him off the floor.

Cy immediately wrapped his small hands to Gun’s neck. ‘ Stop harassing your Uncle Off baby ‘

' how can he even know the word stalker for his age? ' I scoffed at Gun, and make face to Cy.

The little kid widely stare at me, glaring at me from head to toe before, staring back to his dad in protest.

‘ When did he became my uncle? ‘

Gun rubbed his nose against his kid’s cheek.

‘ and when did you became a stubborn brat? He’s your uncle from now on. ‘

Ah. No wonder the kid knows the word stalker, Gun just called him brat. If only Nam can hear that, she will be scolding Gun nonstop about filtering his mouth when a kid is around. 

‘ never ‘ The little boy made a grossed face rolling his eyes at me, before wiggling his way out of his father’s arm.

‘ Cy hates me *glancing to Cy currently whispering to Vin who glared back at me* along with Vin. Nice. Your children hates me ‘ I sarcastically stated, Gun wrapped his arm around my neck as if strangling me, making me bend a bit lower.

‘ My kids are just teasing you. Let’s go!!!!!anddddd------- TADA! ‘ He excitedly show-off when we exited at the backdoor, behind the shop was a small pastel-colored bungalow house.

‘ Welcome to my humble home! Eo, baby! guide uncle Off inside the house ‘ Gun's childishness was a refreshing sight, he then hurriedly left me,

calling Love’s attention made me inhaled oxygen, Eo was giggling as he hold my hand touring their house.

The cute kid was showing me his baby pictures in the living room when I heard Gun and his wife’s voice.

I gulped as I peeked over to the kitchen, Ah curiosity indeed kills the cat.

I tap my chest and exhaled when I saw Gun embracing his wife from behind, while the other is preparing some snacks.

I fake a cough interrupting their sweet moment.

‘ uhmmm hi? ‘ I awkwardly said, and fuck when they both turn to my direction,

I finally appreciate Gun’s wife beauty more.

She’s a goddess! Damn it!

‘ Oh! Hi Off! Finally! ‘

Shit! Even her voice sounded like an angel.


	8. It's her, Love

Meeting Love, talking to Love made me realized why Gun was willing to leave everything behind for her, why Gun was willing to take all responsibilities just to keep her, no matter how he fears responsibility. She was the most down to earth person I know, she’s sweet, tender and soft-spoken yet at the same time she’s witty, full of humor, what a lovely personality she has indeed. But what shocked me the most was she knows everything about Gun, I meant everything, including the sex adventure of his, and she was completely cool with it.

‘ Love, don’t let Off get bored while I’m out ok? I’ll just check on the triplets ‘ Gun excused himself , waving at me and leaving a kiss to Love’s head.

I awkwardly tap my feet and tried opening a topic which is stupid of me.

‘ Didn’t expect Gun can be… soft and gentle like that ‘

‘ why? Because he likes it rough or always in a haste when it comes to sex? ‘ She answered me bluntly while giving me a warm smile, making it hard for me to read her mind.

No wonder she and Gun get along pretty well. She’s blunt.

‘ *chuckles* you… and Gun have a habit of being honest huh? ‘ I joked but Love laugh and nod as if it was nothing, I glanced at the door and when I felt that Gun will took long before he come back, I straighten up my back, with fidgeting fingers I asked Love a serious and dangerous topic

‘ ahmm Love, can I ask how you two end up like this? ‘

‘ like what? ‘

‘ married and have kids? ‘

She glanced at her wedding band before answering ‘ why not ask Gun yourself? ‘

‘ I did. And he just answered me with a simple. Just because. I mean, I asked my sister that question too, as well as my best friends they always answer almost exact same thing. Because they love each other but no one ever answered …just because. ‘ I carefully said, not wanting to offend her.

I just really want to know. 

Because Gun was the last person I ever thought of getting married, 

the main reason why I thought having a proper relationship with him was far... from being possible.

‘ Off, that time, why did you choose to go back being an asshole? Calling your ex for sex even after Gun told you he’ll be back to settle things with you first? Why…. did you agree letting him go even knowing he’ll go back to me? even you know it yourself that you have feelings for him already…. why didn’t you stop him? ‘

Love refuted asking, instead of answering me. I clenched my jaw, looking down.

Ok. If I want to have an honest answer from her, if I clearly want to satisfy this curiosity of mine. I should give her my truth first.

‘ I was not ready back then ‘

‘ and now you are? ‘

‘ NO! it’s not that! *sigh* I’m sorry if you feel like ugh! but trust me I have no plans ruining what you and Gun have Love. ‘

She stood up sitting down beside me, as she grab a photo album ‘*chuckles* I know. It’s quite obvious how you look at me with defeat clearly written in your eyes.

That’s how I look at you when I saw you and Gun shaking hands at the rooftop when you two agreed being fuck buddies. Because you’re one step ahead of me ..’ She nudged my shoulder grinning

‘you two can have sex. *chuckles* ‘

She smiled at me warmly, before flipping the pages of the photo album.

Looking at the picture of her and Gun in their wedding attire, she caress Gun’s face.

‘ I was the one who introduced Gun to the wild side of the world you know? ‘

I looked at her frowning, don’t tell me she and Gun also started as…

‘ Not in that way silly, what Gun and I have was pure friendship, we have this unexplainable connection. Anyway, I’m an event organizer, I meet a lot of people may they be good or bad, handle a lot of events, while Gun stick to my side like a loyal pet. ‘

That explains the thing about Gun popping into different places, high-end clubs and bars which was strange since the background of his doesn’t fit his party lifestyle.

‘ Mingling with people plus working at the prosti house greatly influenced him. He’s an adult, one way or another he must enjoy life. You were the third guy ‘

‘ third guy? ‘ I frowned.

‘ that he slept with ‘

‘ *chuckles* I was there when he asked you about the condom thing, we organized a bachelor party in a private cube of the club back then and I brought Gun with me. As much as you have your seven seconds Gun, have this decision of all or nothing. He didn’t grew up having privilege of getting what he wants. So, he will continuously assess himself whenever he want something or someone. That night we saw you walked in the club as if you’re some God, Gun kept his eyes on you for a long time, and when he come up with a decision, of wanting to sleep with you, he approached you. He knows the rule of one night stand because working formerly in a prostitute house as an errand boy he’s wise to know to leave after sex if he don’t want trouble or responsibility that he hates. You can never have sex with him on bed unless you two are lovers because Mamang, the owner of the prostitution house he used to work for told him that as a joke but Gun took it seriously. Gun may not look like it, but he took most things seriously to tell you the truth ‘

‘ hmm when Gun and I had a huge fight, he ran to you right? That resulted of you and him living together under the same roof, I was partly happy and I…. prayed that you two will eventually work out and be an actual lovers ‘

‘ huh? wa-wait! I thought--!!! ‘

Ah fuck, this woman need to stop from spilling things that may tempt me to be a homewrecker.

And just steal Gun from her, even her kids. Ah. That was such a fuckery thought.

‘ I wanted to run away from Gun in the past…. at the same time I don’t want him to be left alone. As much as Gun became dependent on me, I was too and it’s not healthy, because I know Gun better than anyone else as much as he hate responsibilities, If he found out I’m starting to be jealous of you, if he found out I am starting to crave for more than just friendship from him, if he found out I asked my dad to marry me off to someone he wants because I want myself to stop from wanting more of Gun, he will took it to his heart and feel responsible about it. And I don’t want that. So after time of self-reflection, I called Gun , I assumed things with you are working out, but I still want a confirmation for me to move forward. I already decided to never tell my feelings to him and just told him about me getting married to some guy my dad introduced me before but then he got mad…. like really a caveman type of mad! a-and I was just shocked when he yelled

‘ if you want to get married that badly! why not just marry me then? Fuck! ‘

I smiled involuntarily as she was trying to imitate Gun, as she continue telling their story, that's when I realized maybe Gun always belong to Love from the very beginning,

just like me he was just running away from it when he analyze it, and when Love was about to disappear from him, and might belong to someone else if he stay being a bastard,

something in him must kicked in.

‘ why… are you telling me all this? ‘

She grinned clinging her arms around me.

‘ do you know the saying keep your friends close but your rivals closer? ‘

I shake my head at her, smiling. How can I hate this woman?

‘ did my storytelling satisfy you? Talking to me, did you find answer of what you will do next? ‘

‘ I want to and will continue loving Gun but… not in the way that I will end up hurting people ‘ I straightforwardly answered. She gave me a smile full of acceptance and warmth.

‘ Nice. I knew you are a great person…. And a handsome one. Have I already told you that? ‘

‘ you’re one strange woman, I want to hate you ‘

‘ Let’s see about that! Hahaha you can never tell, you might even be fond of me one day! ‘

I looked at her ridiculously when she hugged me out of nowhere.

‘ Be a part of his life properly now ok? I hope you understand, I can’t give up on Gun right now, I can’t hand him over to you now, but that doesn’t mean I will keep him to myself. ‘

That was the scene when Gun came in frowning while his triplets are eavesdropping behind him cutely.

‘ what the hell is going on here? ‘

Eo giggles ‘ Hell. daddy said Hell hihihi ‘

Vin put a thumbs up while Cy was glaring at me,

you hate me I know that already! stop glaring huhuhu

Love winked at me, hugging me tighter.

‘ I’m leaving you and the kids Gun. Off let’s runaway together! ‘

She announced making me looked at her dumbfounded, but later on chuckled when she starts running,

Gun followed by Vin and Cy chase after her. Eo climbed to my lap, tilting his head at me while sucking his left thumb,

‘ cle, tears…are you crying? why?‘

I wiped it off, smiling at him.

‘ because of your family’s cuteness and I can’t believe I’m saying this but now I don’t think I regret letting go ‘

I laughed when Eo looked at me with a constipated face trying to understand what I meant. 

This time.

I’m glad to let go.

I no longer mind letting go.

* * *

I hugged Gun like it was the last chance that I have.

‘ Whoa! What’s wrong? ‘

I ruffle his hair and shrugged. ‘ Nothing. I enjoyed hanging out with your family ‘

He grin at me.

‘ Oho, don’t tell me…. now I’m inspiring you to have a family of your own? Hahaha I’m telling you it will be tough at first but you’ll get the hang of it and get addicted to it. Just like what I felt when I heard my triplet’s heartbeats for the first time ‘

‘ Don’t drag me down with you. But I’ll let you know if one day there’s a change in my direction of wind ‘ I joked, which he laughed in return.

‘ Gun ‘

‘ hmm? ‘ he looked at me smiling,

‘ we… are friends now.. right? ‘

Gun nodded almost immediately making me laugh.

‘ so can you answer me honestly now? ‘

I want to hear it from him, for me to at least try to move on,

I fully accept that I can only be nothing but a friend now.

I will continue to support him and watch over his family like a good friend should.

Just let me know 

For Real.

At least I will really try.. Desperately.

‘ how did you end up marrying and having kids with her? ‘

Gun bite his lips, I followed his eyes that went to look at Love feeding sweets to the triplets.

‘ Just because….

*shy*

When she said she’s getting married to someone that is not me, I paled and exploded.

Self-centered jerk of me was activated.

Just because

I don’t think I will be able to stand it watching her with someone else.

Was it because I got used to having her to myself? Or was it even before that? was it greed? *shrug*

Just because

I want to be the one taking care of her, giving anything she wants, that time around.

Because I know I can do better than anyone else.

Just because……

I *chuckles* figured out that what I have for her is more than just a platonic love.

I was reluctant at first and denied it, because you see I never thought of having sex with her, Strange.

No matter how much I adore her I didn’t dare to try until one day I concluded that

I may love sex but turns out

I… even love her more than I can say. That’s why I never thought of her in a malicious way, never thought of doing things that some may mistakenly see as love. One day, it registered to me pretty late just when I'm about to lose her,

that moans and groans are nothing compared to hearing her laugh and giggles over silly things,

pleasure from sex? I can completely toss them all in exchange of her smile, her hugs and her good mornings.

Responsibilities? I can bravely face and overcome them all... I won't mind as long as... she let me be with her.

as long as it's for her. I won't mind anything at all. 

And that my friend is how I end up like this.

Just because. ‘

Love her more than just sex.

Love her more than he can say.

I can’t compete with that.

A total knock out Off.


	9. Boyfriend, how foreign

**Months... months... months almost a year later...**

‘ they look odd together? ‘

‘ huh? Love, they look good and cute together for me though? right? Am I the only one who think so?‘

' you always say that to everyone that is paired with Off '

I rolled my eyes at Gun and Love arguing with my family about my current date.

The married couple looked away along with my dad and sister when they noticed me and Singto, my current date glanced at their direction.

‘ uhmmm can you excuse me for a sec? ‘

Singto politely nod and smile, my face was blank as I make my way toward these nosy people.

‘ Gun, don’t you have other customers to attend to? ‘

‘ Love, don’t you need to plan out the birthday bash for the triplets? ‘

‘ Dad, Nam what the hell you two are even doing here? specifically you Nam! Aiish go home and stop torturing my Tay with all the baby duties ‘

I asked the nosy people and all they did was look away except for Nam who bullied me,

‘ Tay was the one who told me to check on you, by the way hehehehe this time you look dumb around your date though ‘ Nam teased making Love and Gun laugh.

I sighed. ‘ I am dumber than him. The guy is a lawyer. ‘

I glanced at Gun when he whistled raising his thumbs up. ‘ A jackpot then. Go for it ‘

I rub my nape awkwardly

Gun always say that if he feels like my blind date is worth the shot, and somehow I feel upset no matter how hard I try not to feel that way.

Love, read my actions and punched her husband’s chest softly.

‘ Gun. Go and make more berry swirl donuts! Stop slacking off! ‘

He frowned mumbling but followed anyway after wiggling his eyebrows at me, what a dense guy.

Love slap my back smiling at me after. ‘ Go back to your date and we’ll mind our own business now ok? Goodluck! ‘

I felt grateful to Love, for some reason, she always come to my rescue at times that I feel off, she was right that a day will come that I may be grow fond of her. A week after Gun and I became officially friends, my family and friends went to meet him and his wonderful family, from then on, we often come here, Dad playing cupid setting me up with blind dates, Rin acting like a big sister playing with the triplets, Tay and Arm hanging out with Gun, Nam and Alice gossiping with Love, it was as if we are one big extended family.

‘ Off ‘

I went back after spacing out when Singto snap his finger at me calling my name.

‘ huh? Sorry what are you saying again? ‘

He went closer and softly whispered, ‘ if you stop staring at the owner of the shop while you’re on a date maybe your blind dates will work out just fine ‘

I looked at him guilty, he chuckles tapping my shoulder.

‘ Want to walk along the park with me? it’s starting to get dark and windy. It would be nice to have some fresh air ‘

I stood up, and glanced at Gun,

I saw him mouthing at me ‘ what happened ‘

I just shake my head and waved my hand at him, running after Singto.

‘ Sorry ‘ I cleared out my throat and apologized.

‘ hmm can you explain to me why are you still going to blind dates arranged by your dad if you already have someone you like? ‘

‘ to be honest.... I’m still in the middle of moving on, I can no longer have the guy I like… sooo‘

‘ you think a blind date is the answer to that? ‘

‘ more like I thought it will lead me eventually to be interested in someone else ‘

‘ you bring your blind dates to a place that owned by the guy you like, from my point of view it was like, like… you’re purposely bringing dates to that shop to see reactions from him ‘

Singto was oddly stirring my heart with his words, my other blind dates, always noticed how I stare and glance at Gun’s direction while I’m still on a date but no one except for him confront me about it, they just either not call me anymore or just walked out from the date. Singto walked closer until we are looking each other eye to eye. I gulped when I stepped back and got cornered by him.

He messed up his hair, sexily unbuttoning the first three buttons of his short sleeve baby blue shirt. 

‘ Crazy ‘

He mumbles grazing his thumb across my lower lip, ‘ Singto ‘ I lowly said when he leaned forward while massaging my nape.

‘ I once badly want to try if I can be a good boy, being a lawyer sometimes I have no choice but to be on the villain sides as long as he's my client... as of the moment, with your eyes begging me to save you from misery of unrequited love ... I don't know but it somehow making that interest I once have alive again. I’ll help you ‘

‘ I'm not sure about what you mean by that but…. I – don’t want to hurt--- ‘

My words were cut off when he placed his lips on mine, and I.... oddly returned the kisses he gave me.

He's a good kisser. 

I will be lying if I am not turned on.

When was the last time I kissed someone like this?

When was the last time, someone caress my body like the way Singto is touching me?

When was the last time that I felt… wanted?

Singto’s bold and sexy actions.

I pulled away from him panting, I stare back at him.

Singto….

He suddenly somewhat..

Reminds me of Gun.

My fuck buddy Gun.

and when he smirked, clicking his tongue to the inside of his cheeks giving me an intimidating look.

I lost it, Gun’s face replaced his and before I knew it.

We are already inside his car,

me fucking his brains out and him moaning my name not to stop.

* * *

I uncomfortably cleared my throat looking away but Gun kept digging holes to my face, I started reading the nursery rhyme Eo wanted me to read, but Gun snatched it away from me and told Eo to play with his brothers.

‘ What? ‘

‘ you got yourself laid ‘

I exaggeratedly cough making it more obvious and was scandalized when Gun raised my shirt up exposing my abdomen. ‘ GUNN! What the hell!!!! ‘ I yelled annoyed but more importantly guilty.

Why am I guilty anyway?!

Ah! Off wake up to your senses! You and Gun are just friends now, No fuck buddy deals or anything,

he’s married to a wonderful woman who by the way is saving you every time this dense monster is doing something disturbing to your heart!

‘ see? bite, kiss marks *chuckles* hickeys, you did get it on with that Singto guy last time! I knew it when you ran after him ‘ He concluded laughing proudly slapping my back.

‘ It’s nothing serious! We just agreed to try it out for now ‘ I explained horribly making Gun looked at me closer that I can’t help but be hypnotize by his bedroom eyes!

his bedroom eyes! oh ghad how I miss those type of looks he used to give me shit!

‘ soo are you two boyfriends now? ‘

Fuck! Here we go again! Why is he giving me those stares? He grin wickedly when he saw me blushed. He pulled away and yelled more or so sing playfully.

‘ Loveeeeeee! Off finally have a boyfriend now!!!! Look! Look he’s acting shy hahahaha! what a late bloomer! He looks funny! Check him out! ‘

Shy? He interpret me blushing being shy?

I scoffed. I blushed because of you staring at me like that, I blushed because I’m embarrassed that I- ended up having sex with Singto and being his boyfriend because he reminds me of you, the former you that was almost like exclusively mine.

\--

Having sex and being with Singto was something more interesting than I thought it would be, 

after being with him for months, I was preoccupied of him, I rarely think of Gun nowadays. Take note, rarely but I still do think of him.

My dad was even pleased when he found out about me and Singto being together. Run was still being a jerk messing with me when he heard the news but Singto *chuckle* that amazing guy handled him perfectly, Tay and Arm are strangely against him for some reason but accept it at some point anyway. Nam and Alice were very much enthusiastic with my boyfriend’s charm.

Boyfriend.

That sounded foreign but felt good.

‘ babe, you’ll be late to your flight ‘ Singto nudged my thigh waking me up. I groan rolling to my side, hugging his naked body. ‘ five more minutes ‘

He laughed and pinched my stomach. ‘ that’s the fifth time you said that ‘

I shower kisses to his chest and went above him.

‘ I’m going to miss you ‘

He rolled his eyes at me. ‘ you’ll be back after 72 hours! ‘

I laughed and kissed his cheek. ‘ you must really be thinking how annoyingly clingy I am right now, am I right? ‘

He shake his head and wrapped his arms around me. ‘ nope, I’m thinking of something else ‘

I frown but understand what he meant when I felt him touch my lower body.

‘ Ah you’re thinking…. --- ‘

‘ this horny bastard want a farewell sex before his flight ‘

We end up laughing when we speak our mind at the same time.

This horny bastard is so lucky to have a second shot

To be in a proper relationship.

And sex.

*Grins*


	10. Pregnant

When you think things are going perfectly

When you think everything is suddenly always in your favor

Funny how, Fate and Destiny is just waiting at the corner for the right time to fuck things up for you.

‘ **YES!!!!! A FUCKING YES!!!!** ‘

Singto yelled crying as he help me stand up from kneeling to place the ring to his finger.

Yes.

I proposed to him after one year and a month of being together.

Nam hugged Singto and I while Tay is carrying baby Ro, Rin sobbing beside him. Arm guiding his seven months pregnant wife Alice, Run fake crying receiving a playful glare from his current relationship. Fucking finally he have someone now. 

Dad came crying while being dragged by Gun and Love’s triplets.

They all congratulated us, happily celebrating my engagement but my eyes went concerned when Love came to congratulate Singto and I with puffy red eyes? what bothered me the most was Gun.

Gun quit smoking and drinking when Love got pregnant with the triplets, yet right now I swear I just saw Gun walking out the venue smoking and holding a case of alcohol.

‘ what's going on? ‘ I asked concerned caressing Love’s cheeks, she whimpered. ‘ please, please, go and talk to him for me. Off. Please ‘ she begged, Singto bite his lips and nod in understanding, I walked towards him and kiss him on the lips before running to find Gun.

\--

Frozen, my whole body was frozen staring at his back for a while I finally found him, he was outside Love-bites, staring at his wedding band, drinking countless of alcohol, near him was the pack of cigarette that he already smoked.

I sat down beside him, he smirked coldly and greeted me. ‘ Congrats! what are you even doing here? Go back to your engagement party, or you’ll make Singto upset. ‘

‘ I got his permission to go after you, what’s wrong? ‘

I straightforwardly asked, receiving a straight forward answer from him as well.

‘ Love is pregnant ‘

‘ isn’t that a good news? ‘

‘ No. I don’t want it ‘

It.

Gun who adore kids, his triplets, his children.... just called his future baby, it?

That he don’t want it?

I don’t understand.

I’m missing something here.

And when Gun said the reason why.

I…. honestly don’t know what to say and how should I react.

‘ I almost lost her once, when she gave birth to the triplets, that’s why I… take extra care of my family Off. I almost lost them once, now… She might really not make it if she keep and insist to have the baby. I don’t want another baby if it means losing Love. I can’t lose Love Off. I just can’t. She even promised me that I will need to die first before she die during our wedding vows, why? Because she knows I can’t continue life without her. I’ll go crazy if she dies before me ‘

Gun gave me that familiar fragile and vulnerable look of his just like the first time he showed me this side of his, when he and Love got into a big fight. No visible tears as if he can’t produce it anymore but I can clearly hear his heart in pain, crying, shouting for help.

Because of that I realized.

Ahhhh…

I’m sorry Singto.

I.

Still.

Do.

Love

Him

The same as before.

I pulled him into my arms, hugging him tightly. Whispering I’m here, everything will be ok, that we’ll do everything for him not to lose Love. Not to lose anyone again.

\--

‘ don’t get yourself involve Off ‘ Nam warned me when she heard the news and heard me contacting every doctor I know that can help with Gun and Love’s situation.

‘ Off ‘

‘ you are close with them too, you can understand why I can’t help but be involve ‘

‘ you have a wedding to plan and prepare Off. Tay, Alice, Arm and I will support Gun and Love. But for now, focus on yourself first ‘

Clenching my jaw I hissed.

‘ I already asked Singto if it’s ok to push back the wedding just ….until Love give birth ‘

Nam throw me a preposterous look. ‘ Off ‘

‘ conscience will eat me alive if I act selfish and do nothing about the situation Nam! ‘

I defended myself at the accusation look my sister is giving me

‘ even if it means losing Singto? ‘

I clenched my fist. ‘ Singto. Understand the situation and he’s fine ‘

‘ NO HE’S NOT! He just let you because no matter what happen admit it or not, Gun is above all everyone am I right? ‘

I lowered my head, playing with my fingers, ‘ Nam. Please just… just give me this one. ‘

‘ I hate it. I hate seeing you lose yourself whenever it comes to Gun. Off stop hurting yourself. Quit losing yourself for someone like him ‘

Nam walked out completely disappointed in me.

Gun.

How come after so many years,

You still drive me out of my wits?

How come after so many years,

You still have the same effect on me?

How come after so many years,

I still love you the same?

is this what they meant that when players really fall in love,

they fall extremely deeper than anyone else?

\--

‘ Love ‘

‘ I’m not giving up my baby, no matter how many times people convince me. I won’t ‘ Love stubbornly stated before ignoring me and proceed meeting one of her clients.

Gun worriedly asked. ‘ she said no? again? ‘

even before I can answer him, Love fainted making him ran immediately.

Stress, maternal malnutrition and lack of sleep.

Love is currently receiving care inside the private room,

I am staying outside looking after Gun who’s poorly kicking and punching the wall. I peeked on my phone that is endlessly ringing,

Singto Babe calling…

I turned off my phone and held Gun’s hand, wrapping it with my handkerchief when it started bleeding.

‘ you’ll make the kids worry if you keep acting like an asshole ‘

‘ and you’ll end up being left at the altar if you keep ignoring your fiance ‘

He hissed, ‘ Leave and take charge preparing your wedding. Singto can’t wait for you forever. You’re the one who insisted marriage and proposed to him. Man up. ‘

I was hurt… completely hurt how he dismissed me like that even if what he said was true.

‘ and I will do the same ‘

I stare at him. ‘ I can’t keep running away from the truth. I can’t torture my wife and myself like this ‘

He stood up and left me behind after patting my back.

I followed him unconsciously and watched from the room’s door, as he sat down beside Love’s bed.

He kissed her hand, Love gave him a smile.

‘ we’re trying to hear the baby’s heartbeat, do you want to hear it? ‘

Gun with teary eyes nod, and his eyes pooled with tears when he heard it, kissing Love’s belly.

‘ I…. promise I won’t run away. I’ll fight for us. I…’ll keep our family together ok? so you better fight too baby ok? ‘

My heart clenched at the sight of them, wiping my tears smiling..... to my surprise Singto was there watching me.

when did he arrived?

what is he doing here?

He extended his hand to me.

‘ Let’s go? ‘

I held hands with him, and take a glimpse of the room where Gun and Love are for the last time.

‘ Please, please, please Almighty. I hope everything in the end will be alright ‘

* * *

**Months later…**

I answered the phone with a smile when I saw who’s calling… the first thing I saw was Eo chubby cheeks on the camera, he was pushed aside by Vin who peeked and smugly smirk when he saw me and Singto who is currently sitting on my lap. I widely grin when I saw Love and her six months pregnant self.

‘ Whoa! You’re getting bigger and bigger Love! ‘

‘ Duh Pregnant! Plus you can’t blame me. Gun is annoyingly feeding me delicious food and snacks everyday! I should watch out for sweets now though shame ‘ she chuckles and waved her hand at Singto which the latter returned.

It’s been months when they agreed keeping the baby and fighting together through all of it, and it has been months since we flew to Canada where Singto’s parents are. Singto and I decided that it was better for us to prepare and do the wedding here, Gun was cool with it when I informed him, he even joked that it’s only fair for him not being here to my wedding since I’m not around when his wedding happened.

Singto suggested to stay here permanently after the wedding which I accepted, I no longer want to be unfair to him. Everyone were supportive with our decision.

Gun appeared in the middle of the video call cutely wearing a matching apron with Cy. He waved his hand, kissing Love’s nose before sitting down beside her, caressing her big tummy now and then, I looked away abruptly making it impossible for Singto not to notice.

‘ hey! Off how’s the wedding going? Is it that grand? taking you too long to prepare for it? ‘ he teased insensitively, Singto answered him.

‘ It’s my fault. My parents are quite obsessed with all the preparations and I keep missing the rehearsals and appointment because of important cases ‘

Gun frowned and I knew he didn't like Singto's answer

‘ Cases? what’s more important than preparing your wedding with the person you can’t wait to spend the rest of your life with--- ‘

Love hurriedly covered Gun’s mouth. Singto just laughed bitterly and I remembered how I didn’t even hesitated back then to push back the wedding because of the problem of Love and Gun.

‘ Ahmm.. we better get going. We’ll be meeting and hang out with his parents so we better get ready. Love, always know you can call me anytime ok? G-gun take good care of her ‘

‘ I will. You too. You can call me anytime and please update us whenever ‘ Love sweetly said, Gun saluted and side hug his wife making me smile because of his clinginess.

His clingness that I always craved before... 

I want him to be clingy to me like that

‘ Babe ‘

I smiled at Singto and end the call. ‘ Come on, I need to prepare myself well. I can’t let your dad insult me again ‘

‘ babe ‘ he hissed when he noticed the bitterness in my tone.

More important than our wedding.

It’s not about that. More like about his dad who hates me to death after he found out I once pushed back the wedding, because of a mere friend.

‘ Dad was only like that because…. ‘

‘ because what ‘

‘ he doesn’t really feel that you genuinely want to marry me ‘ he whispered making me look down.

‘ that’s not true, I do want to marry you ‘

‘ can I really believe you on that? even you Off. You don’t 100% trust yourself ‘


	11. Wedding Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!warning: character death

**AUTHOR’S POV**

*slap* slap* *slap*

‘ Love, enough you’re over reacting again! ‘

‘ I’m not! You’re a jerk! ‘

Love hissed at her husband. Gun continued being a doting husband massaging Love’s legs despite his wife bullying him for being insensitive to the couple earlier,

Love is starting to be heavier and her hormones are all over the place. What do you expect? Love is not only carrying a child but children, precisely twins, terrifying Gun even more, scaring him everyday. 

Love caress Gun’s face when she saw her husband being wary again.

‘ do you think they will look like me this time around? ‘ Love excitedly asked, before pouting. ‘ hmm never mind, I still want them to have your face just like the triplets ‘

Gun lovingly stroke her hair this time, ‘ Nah. I want them to have your face since it will be the last time I will put your life in danger ‘

Love rolled her eyes at her dramatic husband. ‘ stop saying it negatively, remember I was the one who seduced you not to pull it out ‘ she shyly admitted.

Gun chuckled at her silliness ‘ right, it is your fault ‘ he teased back making Love pout punching Gun’s face playfully, Gun held her hand, showering her with kisses,

‘ Love ‘

‘ hmm? ‘

‘ have I ever told you how much I love you? ‘

Love was caught off guard, her eyes were turning blurry with tears overtaking. She shook her head, hiccupping. ‘ you haven’t *hik* ‘

Gun totally aware of her skyrocketed emotions laughed, closing his eyes. ‘ Ahhhhh. Is that so? ‘

Love kicked him off the sofa, ‘ Say it! ‘

‘ say what? ‘ Gun playfully mimic her voice.

‘ say it ‘ Love whispered annoyed, Gun crawled his head to her lap , rubbing her big tummy before lifting his head, kissing Love’s lips.

‘ I love you ‘

' Gun '

' about Off '

' what about him? *yawns* '

Love sighed when she saw Gun closing his eyes, ' nevermind '

Gun only nodded sleepily before repeating.

' Ok. I love you ' 

**End of author’s pov**

* * *

After endless months of pushing back the wedding, after months of conflicting if I should or not continue the wedding, after months of receiving insults from Singto’s dad, months of annoying bickering with my friends and Nam. The day has finally arrived,

A wedding that anyone will be glad to have, a beach wedding many people dreamed of, an intimate wedding filled with family and friends, a wedding that consist of perfect entourage, perfect wedding song, perfect weather and.....

a perfect man.

Everything was perfect far from what a bastard like me deserve, yet here I am in turmoil of running away, because of a call that I received before I marched the aisle minutes ago.

_' Off, I know I promised you and I did keep it, my team and I did our very best. But she *sigh* I’m sorry Love didn’t make it. ‘_

Singto appeared magnificently handsome walking in the aisle smiling at me,

But all I can think of, was Gun

Gun looking miserable, crying alone

Gun blankly looking at Love’s lifeless form

Gun whimpering and no one is there for him to hold on

We are all here with me celebrating union with Singto.

He was left alone

Gun with no one to share the burden telling the triplets how their mom is now gone

Gun

Gun

Gun

my sight was starting to become hazy, for the guest and others they may find it sweet, with me crying looking at the man I’m about to be wed to, but Singto…

My brave and selfless Singto…

Singto paused in the middle of the red carpet. I saw Nam stood up, shaking her head at me, when she realized what’s going on.

Singto exhaled with his quivering lips, smiling at me, lowering his head down after saying ‘ Go ‘

when I mouthed ‘ I’m sorry ‘.

I'm a fucking asshole.

Right from the start.

I'm sorry.

All along I was cheating.

Cheating my feelings is equivalent almost the same as cheating on you.

I'm sorry.

Arm and Tay blocked my way when I ran, I thought they will try to stop me from running away but my best friends smirked, Arm tossing me my wallet and passport while Tay placed the ignition key to my palm.

‘ We have a feeling…. you’ll need a small aircraft anytime soon, so we asked the chief for a favor and brought it with us. You can call it best friend’s intuition.

GO. We’ll handle everything from here ‘

I hugged them crying and hurriedly running where I should be at.

‘ Hang in there Gun, hang in there. I’ll be with you soon. You won’t be alone. Never. Not when I'm still here. ‘ 

* * *

After 14 hours of flying the aircraft myself, I was numbed and exhausted when I arrived to the hospital. I received odd looks and stares, but I didn’t care. I was still wearing my groom attire with boutonnière still attached on the lapel of my tuxedo. The triplets were the first one that I saw, and it was the first time,

For the first time, Vin and Cy came running to my arms crying like babies alongside Eo,

‘ mommy turned into ashes ‘

‘ mom*sob* died uncle, she died after she heard the twins cry! ‘

‘ Uncle, daddy… daddy is not himself ‘

The scene breaks me apart yet, I stood tall and hushed the triplets. Asking them to bring me where their father is and God,

I break down and fall apart even more when I saw Gun helplessly hugging an urn, while talking to himself , staring at the transparent glass of the neonatal intensive care unit.

I let the triplets sat down in the corner as I slowly approach their broken dad.

‘ Gun ‘

I whispered but enough for him to hear, he slowly turn to face me,

His eyes were bloodshot red, he was looking pale and dehydrated, I bet any moment he can collapse

He smiled at me sadly, ‘ Off, my twins… are so beautiful *teardrop* perfectly beautiful. Just like their mom. They… got her face…I believe they got her face. ‘

I looked at him, not knowing what to do but when his smile faded and continuous flow of tear started falling down while whispering ‘ She’s gone, she’s really gone now Off, isn't she? what should I do now? ‘ as he sob like a child, I took big steps to buried his head to my chest and hug him, and ...... Love.

* * *

**AUTHOR’S POV**

Three days before Love gave birth and died.

Gun along with the triplets fell asleep while reading Love and the twins in her tummy nursery rhymes, she smiled despite the pain she’s receiving from the kicks the twins are giving her.

She grabbed her tablet while talking to her unborn children ‘ Please, don’t come out earlier than expected, the survival rate of us if you guys come earlier is less than 15% babies, better stay inside mommy for another month please? ‘

She chuckled when the kicking stopped. ‘ thank you ‘ she whispered, stretching her neck and start opening a tab, inhaling before she start doing an specialized email reminder 

**_My beloved Gun,_ **

**_I just feel like being sappy tonight as I watch you snore almost like a choir along with our triplets, just made my heart feel full and felt like crying out of happiness._ **

**_I never dreamed of us getting this far,_ **

**_I suddenly remember the evolution of your eyes looking at me the first day we met until the day we got married, from fully tough guarded eyes to softer ones.... to eyes looking at me as if I was everything._ **

**_Gun._ **

**_If ever, just if ever… I don’t wake up and won’t make it while giving birth, promise me._ **

**_Promise me to stay sane, don’t go crazy like what you always say whenever I teased you about me leaving._ **

**_I really want you to carry on and live happily._ **

**_You are not alone anymore._ **

**_I made sure of that. I kept my promise when I extended my hand to you that rainy day. See?_ **

**_I already gave you triplets of joy, headaches and love._ **

**_When the twins are born they will be additional reason for you to be reminded that you are not alone._ **

**_I filled you bundles of reason to carry on so just in case I died ahead of you._ **

**_Still you won’t feel alone and lonely._ **

**_I will never let you feel alone ever again._ **

**_I always remind you of that right?_ **

**_Gun._ **

**_I love you._ **

**_I love you so much._ **

**_And I know, you love me more, you.... make sure I feel that everyday with your actions._ **

**_But you know what? I really wont mind, if you open your heart to someone other than me._ **

**_I'll be mad and hate you if you hold back living just because I'm no longer with you physically._ **

**_When you are healed and ready. Feel free to fall in love with someone too ok? Someone near you and always have been waiting for you._ **

**_Someone who wears uniform often, you find it sexy before right? Men in uniform? Hahahaha Ok bye._ **

**_I’m laughing so hard remembering the days you're obsessed with guys wearing uniforms that I woke you up and glare at me._ **

**_Love you million times!!!!!_ **

**_I hope you receive this email when you need it the most._ **

**_\--Your Ally, Protector, Savior LOVE_ **

-

When Love is still suffering from labor, she gripped the doctor’s lab coat,

‘ Please. Please kick my husband out when I start giving birth ‘

The doctor was hesitant with the patient’s request.

‘ Please ‘

Gun was mad when the doctor and the rest of the team kicked him out, but he was left with no choice since Love begged him.

Inside the delivery room, Love asked one of the assistance for a favor ,

‘ in my private room, I wrote something before hours I felt that my babies are coming.. kindly…. Kindly give the letter under my pillow to *groans* ‘

‘ to your husband ma'am? ‘

‘ No. To a captain named Off Jumpol, the doctor assigned to me know him personally, please make sure the doctor hand my letter to him ok? ‘

The nurse worriedly lay Love down, when her blood pressure started falling.

-

**Present**

Off gave a glance to a sleeping Gun with the triplets caressing their dad to sleep, while opening the letter that his doctor friend handed him.

**Hi Off, Am I evil if I say I told you so? That you and Singto look odd together?**

**See? You didn’t marry him right?**

**Anyway, I know you can’t.**

**Because Gun will always hold you back.**

**My husband, my best friend have that kind of power.**

**I’m out of your way now,**

**The only problem you have to face is how you’ll make Gun fall for you.**

**I’m warning you though it will be rough just like how you and him had a rough night at the Maldives, Nyahahaha! yeah I know that part too. Because Gun made me fetch him that morning. Tsk. No hard feelings, PROMISE. I love Gun being gentle when having sex with me and we always do it on bed too. Bleh.**

**Hahaha I can’t tease you back then about it but now please let me brag one last time.**

**After all, we can now only laugh at those memories I guess?**

**Off.**

**Please**

**Don’t give up on him will you?**

**Selfish and a difficult favor but I just really believed that you’re the only one I can trust Gun to.**

**You’re actually the only one I can ask and trust to look after my family.**

**My parents are no longer here and funny but I really feel like I’ll be meeting them soon that’s why I’m writing this.**

**But if I ever survived.**

**Let’s pretend this letter didn’t exist in the first place. LOL**

**Oh and how about naming the twins Light and Life what do you think?**

**You suggested that name once right? Can you consider my kids as yours too from now on?**

**My Vin and Cy’s weakness is when you dote on them, my Eo is a natural sweetheart so you won’t have to worry about him, lastly the big baby of them all is Gun so brace yourself! In this last sentences.**

**I’ll admit something that only you should know**

**We already decided after my birth with the triplets that we will be careful not to have kids again, because of the risk that I may not be lucky again to survive but you see…..**

**You and Gun actually look perfect together, I, for the first time after my marriage with Gun was jealous of you again when you guys were spoiling the triplets at the mall and the manager along with the staff there thought that you guys are the triplet's parents. You two together with the kids from a far, looked like a real family to me back then.**

**I got so jealous of you, that…**

**Gun and I actually end up making the twins because of it.**

**I have no regrets Hihihi!**

**Ok enough. I'm writing nonsense now hmp.**

**Fill my family with LOVE ok?**

**I wouldn’t mind being replaced if its you**

**Mwa!**

**\---Your Rival Love**

Ahhh this crazy woman.

I chuckled while my tears were falling to the ground, taking a glimpse of Gun.

Me replacing you? that's fucking... impossible. You're irreplaceable.

And I doubt if Gun will ever want a substitute. 

This woman.

Till her last breath, she make sure that you’ll never be alone again Gun.

Till her last breath, she make sure for you to have someone that will make you feel her existence.

To make sure you will be loved even if she’s no longer around.

Love.

How I badly wanted to hate this crazy woman but I can’t.

There’s no way that I can.


	12. Be with you

I asked Gun’s permission for me to stay with them in their house just until I feel safe leaving them alone, at first he disagreed but when I told him I have nowhere to go, since my original plan after the wedding is not returning here again and my family must be boiling in anger for what I did, he finally let me. When I saw Gun’s state of mind and emotions at the hospital, I was honestly scared of the possibility of him losing himself. I was concerned thinking, how can I help him to recover? Can I… save him from his misery just like how Love saved him before? I must stay by his side.

I was so close losing my mind, feeling hopeless, only to be shocked seeing Gun the next morning looking completely fine. I told him there’s nothing wrong if he still wants to mourn, whine or be weak for a moment, no need to rush acting everything is ok, I mean come on! He just lost Love, but the guy just smiled at me, patting my back.

‘ can you look after the triplets for the day? I need to check on the twins—‘

Before he can finish his sentence the three kids appeared fully dressed and with their backpacks.

‘ We’re all set dad! ‘

‘ let’s go to the twins ‘

‘ twins twins! ‘

They all chirped holding each other’s hand, Gun ruffle their hair and looked at me.

‘ You should go fix yourself and we’ll be waiting for you outside? ‘

All I did was nod and confusingly my eyes follow the family.

What’s inside your mind Gun?

Cy, Vin, Eo are you guys really ok? just like that?

\--

Gun was lovingly staring at the transparent glass, wherein the twins are still inside the incubator, since they’re preemies they need to stay in there for two-three more weeks.

*clears throat*

‘ how’s your wedding? ‘

I nervously look away, yet flinched back staring at him when he chuckled.

‘ you… are a certified asshole *chuckles* what are you even thinking leaving Singto and running away on the day of your wedding huh? ‘

You.

I can’t stop thinking about you.

I answered to myself.

I look down whispering, ‘ I am indeed an asshole huh ‘

‘ selfish as it may sound and I’m saying this not because I want you to be broken like me.. but I’m glad you did ‘ he sadly smiled ‘ because I… always feel uncomfortable with the idea of you marrying him ‘

My heart started racing… no fuck this is wrong.

This is so wrong. Love just recently died, he can’t possibly…

‘ I feel uncomfortable knowing that you were painfully trying so hard around him, around the guy’s family. As a friend, I don’t want you spending your whole life pretending. I know how honest of a person you are so, it feels awful to imagine you trapping yourself to a world where you don’t actually feel really happy‘

As a friend.

*smirk*

Stupid assuming Off, stop humiliating yourself.

How annoying.

\--

For almost a month, Gun had a routine, opening the shop for half of the day, visiting the twins at the hospital, sleeping and playing with the triplets for the remaining hours. I never once witness him spacing out, crying or even sad even for a single minute, he was always occupied with his responsibilities as a single parent now. At the end of the month I felt annoyance towards him, because he’s acting as if Love never existed.

I’m annoyed how he’s ok just after a day of mourning? Is that even possible? When I lost my mom it took me almost two years to finally accept it, but Gun?

Gun sees Love as his world, his everything… I know that pretty well for years of looking at them from a distance… from all the stories they shared to me… I know because of that fact I… step back and just let him go.

I can’t accept it..

How can he possibly be fine just after a day? I suddenly feel bad towards Love.

But once again, that was just me. That was just me being self-centered.

That was just me wanting to see Gun suffer, be in trouble and breakdown so I can stay by his side, lean on me, so I can comfort him, so this time I am the one who will save him.

That was me waiting for Gun to reach out to me, because now he has no option but run to me.

That was so… naïve and stupid of me.

Just because I can’t see Gun crying, being sad, spacing out or even not seeing him thinking of Love, it doesn’t mean he already moved on and forget about Love just like that.

It doesn’t mean when a person started smiling, laughing and living like how they used to, they’re no longer in pain.

It doesn’t mean when a person is moving forward, they are no longer thinking of the past.

Therefore, that was my conclusion when I saw Gun sneaking outside of the house, in the middle of the night, I curiously follow him and all I could do was sigh, cursing myself for looking down at Gun for the past few days, thinking he’s unfaithful towards Love just because she’s dead. He was laying on the flat grass beside Love’s tombstone/where her urn is buried under, one arm covering his eyes while tears are obviously flowing down his face. He was silently crying.

I walked toward to where he is, laying down on the other side of Love’s tombstone, I muttered ‘ Sorry ‘

He looked at me shocked but smile later on. ‘ why are you apologizing? ‘

‘ I honestly think the worst of you these past few days just because you were keeping all the pain, grief and mourning all to yourself. Sorry. You should cry more often so I won’t judge you being a prick ‘

He chuckled ‘ cry? Then what? hurt my kids by watching their dad broken? How will my kids trust to cry, run and depend on me if they witness me breaking? Do you have any idea how those kids adore me? idolized me? that day when Love left us, they don’t have any idea about it when the doctor came out to tell us, not until they saw me cry and yell to bring Love back. They understood their mom not coming back because I cried. I never once cried like a loser in front of them. And they know their mom leaving me is the only thing that can make me cry.. like that. They are pretty aware of their dad acting like a baby when it comes to their mom. That’s the only time they started crying. Off, I… have no time to be self-centered and be an ass anymore like I used to just because things didn’t go the way I wanted. I’m a father now. I have five beautiful children that I need to watch growing up, to love, to take care of and waiting for me. Love *tears fall* I don’t want her to cry and be disappointed to where she is if I let myself go crazy and fall. I’m all what’s left to them now‘

I wipe my tear and held his left hand. ‘ Damn! I can’t honestly believe how great of a person you became not until now who would’ve thought huh? ‘

Gun shrugged smiling turning his face to the tombstone

‘ Love, hear that? you can be at ease and at peace. You married a great guy. You turned this pathetic loser to a greatest one. Always guide me and the children. And kick me in the ass if I ever lose path ‘

I grin ‘ Don’t worry Love. I will be right here making sure he won’t go back being a loser. ‘

Gun raised his eyebrow. ‘ you mean.. ‘

‘ I’m here to stay. I will remain to be with you and the kids, you and them will also have me ‘

His grip to my hand tighten, chuckling staring at sky.

‘ you….seriously? have no plans having a family of your own, don’t you? ‘

‘ then you guys can be my family from now on, Love have already recognized me as a family back then anyway, mind you I literally named your twins because Love wanted to, I am a family too ‘ I bragged.

‘ Ah Love. Look at this free asshole asking for trouble Hahaha fine fine, we are family too from now on ‘

Gun’s laughter made the hair on the back of my neck raise, goosebumps all over when the calm wind hits our face, we closed our eyes, feeling the comforting wind.

Love.

I promise to be with him always.

I promise to take good care of them.

I won’t replace you. I have no right and don’t deserve replacing you.

But instead, can’t we both be in the family?

\--

Gun was sleeping soundly when we arrived at home, I stare at him from the driver seat, brushing off his side bangs, caressing the side of his face, 

' I'm sorry if I continue doubting you in the most negative way, if I actually once or twice wished to see you suffer just because of my personal intentions, I'm sorry for looking down on your feelings for Love, on how you were handling everything, and .......

how I have no plans letting you go again. I will stick to you like an annoying gum '

I whispered carefully, not wanting to wake him up. I removed his seatbelt, gently scooping his body as I lift him up, he was knocked off deeply to even noticed how I already tucked him to bed. I slowly closed the door to let him rest, that's when I noticed the triplets watching. 

' did.. daddy went to mommy? ' Cy asked eyes fixated to the master bedroom where his father is sleeping. I nodded. 

' are you guys ok? why are you guys still up?' I asked, bending to my knees, lowering myself down matching their heights. 

Eo lean his head over my shoulder. ' did... daddy cry? '

' and if he did? ' 

Vin frowned, lips trembling, his small hand was clenched in a fist. ' Then we'll cry, daddy is not allowed to cry alone. Mommy banned any of us to cry alone ' 

' what do you mean? ' 

My heart start beating faster when I realized they are holding something, 

' what is that in your hand, Vin?' 

' Our lifetime assignments ' The triplets answered in sync. 

When Vin let me take a look on it, I smiled warmly and cussed inside my mind. 

She's indeed fucking amazing. 

\--

**Eight Missions of Love's Adorable Monsters**

1\. Always remember Mommy loves everyone of you unconditionally. 

2\. Crying alone? Banned. Cry and laugh together! 

3\. Be each other's shield and weapon. Don't let daddy take all the pain and burdens vice versa don't keep all your sufferings alone, run to daddy and annoy him. You are each other's strength. 

4\. Be Happy. Live to the fullest! No space for regrets! Attack, take a rest and never retreat! 

5\. Bully and give Daddy headaches in a lovely way! haha

6\. Be a good role model to your younger sisters, guide them but never interfere or dictate! Let them be independent but always make sure you guys are always ready to pull them up if they stagger.

7\. Always keep going, our hearts and mind always keep them open, Mommy always remind everyone of that right? 

8\. Make Mommy and Daddy Proud! I love you! 


	13. Light & Life

Gun never ceases to amaze me, it was not my first time to be with him under the same roof, but now we are in a different circumstance. I crossed my arm as I silently watch Gun, cooking breakfast, while carrying a sleepy Eo in his arms. When he saw me standing in a corner, he smirked and turned off the electric stove, I was startled when he suddenly placed Eo to my arms.

‘ put him back to bed and be useful ‘ he scoffed before he went back to cook, Eo snuggled his face to my neck and snore making me laugh. I covered Eo and his brothers with blanket before going back to Gun, I can’t help but feel my stomach turning upside down due to giddiness when Gun placed a cup of coffee in front of me.

‘ Good morning ‘ he greeted placing a plate with two pieces of pancake with a sausage on the side beside my coffee and I nod, feeling speechless as always at how attentive he is, ever since I start living with them -- not exactly living with them, I live in a condo, and the building is just a minute away their place, but I often stay here rather than my rented space. 

‘ what? ‘ he frowned. ‘ hurry up and have breakfast, we’ll be fetching the twins and if those three woke up, my surprise for them will be ruined. ‘

\--

I already knew Gun is a romantic type of husband towards Love, but man he was beyond amazing and perfect as a father.

Each arms of Gun are occupied holding the twins, which was pretty amusing how he can make it look easy and so natural. The moment we opened the door, the triplets rush running towards Gun,

‘ Twinss!!!! ‘

‘ ahhhhh they are here!!! ‘

‘ babiiessss ‘

I grabbed my camera and take a photo of them, Gun smiling cockily, looking at me while the triplets jumping to take a look at the twins that is in Gun’s arms.

‘ pretty li-light ‘

‘ hihihi bibi life is so cute! ‘

‘ so smoollll ‘

While the triplets are busy looking after their baby sisters inside the crib, I noticed Gun somehow massaging his arms, they must be feeling numb, for carrying the twins for a long time. I went behind him, moving my arms across his shoulder down to his biceps, pressing them to ease the pain and stiffness,

‘ there..’

‘ nice… ‘

‘ Ahh I really like receiving massages from you ‘

I shake my head,

Damn! Pervert mind calm the fuck down.

‘ hey Gun ‘

‘ hmm? ‘

‘ when are you planning to show the twins to Love? ‘

He pouted. ‘ We’re going on a picnic there next week, so next week. Why? ‘

‘ can we move it this week? ‘

He frowned lifting his head to look at me. Which was a wrong move, I was looking down to him so when he lifted his head, our face was close to each other enough for our nose to brush. I step back, flustered, Gun remain still frowning, ‘ do you have plans next week? ‘

I cleared my throat and nod. ‘ I’m reporting to duty in the airlines next week, so I may be unavailable ‘ He nodded in understanding, ‘ Right. You are no longer an unemployed bum ‘

I glared at him. ‘ I was on leave not unemployed! ‘ I shyly defended myself, receiving a smirk from him. ‘ You quit to transfer to Canada pft but fine whatever ‘

‘ hey Off ‘

‘ what? ‘ I hissed

‘ invite your family and friends ‘

‘ huh? ‘

‘ you miss them right? Or are you still embarrass? ‘

Nam and Dad tried reaching out to me but I was the one who keep on avoiding them like a plaque, I exchanged messages with Arm, Tay and Alice but that’s it. I was embarrassed of my actions and don’t know how to face them,

Dad who was so happy that day, who was earnestly doting on Singto becoming his son in law, Nam who got attached with Singto, who genuinely hope Singto will be the one to make me happy.

When I left Singto, I also broke Nam and Dad’s heart. After giving them false hope even after how many times they convinced me not to push it if I’m still not over Gun,

how can I even face them?

‘ Invite them over, the triplets miss their grandpa ‘ Gun insisted but what caught me off guard was his last word, even made my heart skip a beat.

‘ g-grandpa? ‘

He chuckled, nodding ‘ Yeah, Eo’s words not mine, when we send off Love … they did asked me where are their grandpa, aunties and uncles are. Did you forget? I rarely have real acquaintances, so my kids tend to remember and familiarize them very well the moment I introduce them to someone ‘

‘ if we have you as our family, then yours can have us as well. That’s only fair right? I thought that’s a silent agreement between us already ‘

* * *

**5 months later…**

I uncomfortably gaze at Nam and at my friends who are incredibly being annoying, we are currently having a picnic and encircling Love’s tombstone. Dad dragged Gun to somewhere, which was bothering me for minutes now, The triplets are running around, playing tag with Rin, Ro is in his father’s arm and Arm carrying his baby boy Blue who are also looking at me amusingly.

I hissed. ‘ Can you all stop making me uncomfortable?! ‘

Nam and Alice glanced at each other grinning, ‘ can you boys compress together? Come on?! ‘ Alice excitedly said pushing Tay and Arm along with their babies to trap me and Light that I’m currently holding in between.

*CLICK*

Nam was teary eyed. ‘ I can’t believe a time will come where our boys finally becoming men holding their babies. Especially you brother, this is making me emotional ‘

I blushed when she said that as if Light is my daughter, Arm and Tay playfully tap my thighs with their feet. ‘ Stop teasing me. Light is Gun’s daughter ok? ‘

Alice smiled, ‘ but Light seems to be recognizing you as her father as well *giggles* ‘

I look down to the peaceful angel sleeping in my arms, her small fingers were gripping my inside shirt as she sleep. I let out a smile. I remember the first time Gun let me hold the twins, I was so scared at how small they were,

***flashback***

‘ Off, Off, wake up. Wake up ‘

I felt Gun kicking me off the bed. How rude.

‘ what is your problem? Gun I just came back from my long flight. Let me sleep. ‘

I groan but totally snap out when I saw him wearing nothing but boxer, with Light in his arms.

‘ d-did you ran from your house to mine, like that? what the fuck Gun?!!!!’

Light cries startled at my loud voice, Gun tsked at me.

‘ Hold her ‘ he commanded.

‘ what? I can’t!!! I don’t know how?! ‘ I panicked when he started placing Light to my arms, I stiffly held the little one.

‘ you have Rin and Ro, you know how, you’re just being lazy tch!’

‘ Gun, I only started holding my niece and nephew when they are already months old! not when they are this small! ‘ I gritted my teeth

‘ take care of her and hold her for a while ok? ‘ he was sweating furiously as he ran to my bathroom and when I heard him doing his business I groaned.

‘ Gun! Seriously? Do you really have to do that here?! ‘

‘ Shh! Don’t yell. You’ll scare her ‘

Gun. Gun is seriously getting to my nerves when he ambush me like this, he likes it when I get nervous when it involves the kids. Especially with the twins who are still newly born babies.

I look at Light, her lips were pouting, she’s so small. I’m scared that I might accidentally hurt her, while she’s in my arms. She yawned cutely and I was distracted at her cuteness I didn’t notice Gun is already done being dirty and was grinning looking at me and his daughter.

‘ See? Holding her is not that scary ‘ he winked.

***end of flashback***

‘ what are your plans for Light and Life’s first birthday? ‘ I heard Dad asked Gun, they just got here after their walk , giving away some snacks and beverages. Gun adjust the way he’s holding Life before answering.

Man, I swear all of them aside from Gun grin at me when they heard Gun’s answer. 

‘ Depends. Off and I are still not done discussing about it. ‘

‘ Off?’ Tay obviously keep his grin intact asking Gun, followed by Arm’s side question.

‘ why do you have to discuss it with Off, when you can decide it on your own? ‘

Gun frowned, rubbing his nape throwing me a glance.

‘ I can decide it on my own but… I still want Off’s insight about it. It’s our twins we’re talking about. Can’t I do that? ‘

_our twins_

Ahh Love…

Your husband is so annoying….

How can he make me feel things without even trying?

\--

30 minutes after sending Gun and the kids back home, I went back with Dad and the others, like the old times we were drinking, sharing, and updating how our lives are, when the girls started being brutally honest with me again.

‘ So… you’re contented and happy playing house with Gun? ‘

My jaw clenched at Nam’s question, I saw Tay widening his eyes at his wife but Nam remained stoic.

I sighed. ‘ We are not playing house Nam but I am. I am happy just being with them. I don’t want to be more greedy than this ‘

‘ when did you ever became greedy huh? For years you’ve been torturing yourself Off being selfless and all ‘ Nam fought back

‘ self less? ‘ I sarcastically asked. ‘ Self less? Yet I walked out on the day of my wedding let you guys and Singto drown in humiliation because I wanted to run to Gun? because I want to be with Gun ‘

‘ Be with Gun because he was alone, hurt, weak and needed someone. You were that nice Off ‘ Alice continued, I shake my head at her, smiling

‘ I was not nice Alice, that was me being opportunist. I saw a hole where I can enter Gun’s life again and I grabbed it. Gun… have 5 wonderful kids so he will never be alone, he was hurt but he was not weak. Most importantly needed someone, he can stood up on his own. I….*click tongue* was just giving myself excuses for me to be with him ‘

All of them groaned at my pathetic self.

‘ We give up. There’s no use arguing with you ‘ they all chorused making Dad who was oddly quite earlier laughed. On my way back, Dad embraced me.

‘ Dad? ‘

‘ Singto. Got married last month ‘ He whispered, I froze for a minute but sarcastically smile when he continued.

‘ with… Ohm ‘

\--

Gun was frowning while opening the gate for me, tapping his feet to the ground like a father getting ready to scold his teenage son for going home late.

‘ Aish! You reek of alcohol. Didn’t I remind you not to sleep here if you will be wasted? ‘

I shrugged. ‘ I didn’t drink much, the booze is just really strong ‘

His eyebrows creases and he stood beside me, wrapping my arm around his shoulder as he guide me walk inside the house, after rudely letting me fall to the sofa he went to the kitchen and gave me a glass of water.

‘ are the kids asleep? ‘

‘ did something happened? ‘

I sneered at how he immediately questioned me back with his eyes gently staring at me. This guy, I realized can he be more fuckin perfect in my eyes?

‘ Off ‘

‘ Singto got married last month ‘

He crossed his arms against his chest and asked ‘ so? ‘

‘ He married the guy who often the reason why we fight when we were still together Gun. That means something right? ‘

I coughed and look away when he lifted my chin and stare at me hard. ‘ w-what? ‘

He flicked my forehead laughing. ‘ the fact that he married someone you knew bruised your ego? ‘

‘ GUN! ‘

He laughed at me even more, before strangling my neck, pulling me close to him making me sniff how he smell like the twin’s powder.

‘ during your relationship with Singto, you never cheated on him ?’

His random question caught me off guard.

Physically. I didn’t, but emotionally YES. I cheated.

His eyes bulged when he looked at my reaction. ‘ Punk! You did? The guy was so fucking perfect Hahaha see? Be happy for the guy. Tsk you have no right to feel betrayed. Stop being dramatic and wash up. ‘

He stood up but I pulled him back too strong that he end up sitting on my lap, I gulped.

‘ Gun ‘

‘ what? ‘ he frowned.

‘ I-I—‘

*uwaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I flinched when we heard one of the twins cry, judging how loud it was, it must be Light. Gun moved away from me like nothing, completely unaffected hitting the back of my head. ‘ Wash up already idiot. And help me put Light to sleep. She fall asleep faster in your arms. ‘

Argh!

How long….

How long can I keep making myself believe that I don’t want something more with Gun?

How long can I keep deceiving myself and Gun?

I looked at the family portrait of Gun with Love. I slap myself lightly.

‘ you must be enjoying yourself watching me have inner struggles huh? It’s still too early right? for me to take chance on Gun, judging his reaction… Right, Love? ‘

‘ And you also don’t want me making a move on him just because I feel pressured with the news about Singto’s changed of status while I’m still… sigh ARGH! ‘

‘ OFF I ALREADY TOLD YOU TO WASH UP AND HELP ME PUT LIGHT TO SLEEP! ‘

I chuckled looking at Gun with Light in his arms both were currently peeking to my position,

The triplets woke up too eavesdropping from their room curiously,

Ahhh.

No matter how blurry my standing is to Gun’s heart.

There’s no doubt he also want me in his life same as the kids.

That should be enough.


	14. Always be the one

Why do kids grow up so fast?

Is this how my parents felt when Nam and I first let go of their hand to walk on our own? When we first learned how to talk back? When Nam started wearing makeup and I fucking around?

When I once asked Gun those questions he teased me to death and almost killed me when he strike back joking that the kids will also fuck around soon, just like how we were when we were younger.

Clearly his joke went overboard. He paled when he realized what he just said Haha!

Years ago, we celebrated the twin’s first birthday and few days from now they’ll be turning eight, while the triplets are now fourteen, fourteen times a headache. It seems like yesterday when the triplets got lost in the airlines and when we took the twins home for the first time from the hospital.

It feels like yesterday when Gun didn’t talk to me for days, upset that the twins first word was them calling me papa.

It feels like yesterday when we were documenting the twins first time crawling, walking, first food and all of their first.

Feels like yesterday when the triplets started calling me papa. Vin and Cy are still intimidating at times.

Feels like yesterday when Gun asked me to live with them. Like really live with them, because when the two little girls keep asking Gun why they are letting their Papa Off live alone when we can live all together.

Gun and I are still the same.

He is still the same. Dense to the highest level.

Or was he really?

I am still the same. Madly in love with him still.

The only difference now is that I learned to treasure and be happy with my position in his life, not really a lover yes, nor officially his life time partner but… the friendship we have, the connection between us is much greater than what I used to crave for.

‘ Aww! ‘ I hissed when Gun kicked me off the bed.

Yup. We’ve been sleeping on the same bed, an upgrade that took so long. No sex though, Gun and I… we never been intimate sexually even after so many awkward situations we’ve been through for the past years . Weird, but that’s just the way it is. Is that because we’re getting old or something? I mean I still have feelings for him but…. I still get arouse because of him, but… nevermind. 

‘ help the twins prepare for school while I make breakfast ‘

‘ Roger that ‘

I shower Life and Light soft kisses, receiving giggles from the two.

‘ Wake up angels. We better get ready for school ‘

After preparing their uniforms and making sure they went to take a bath, next I opened the triplet’s room. These boys despite being teenagers insisted sleeping in the same room, that’s how strong their bond is. I opened their bedroom light and one by one they groaned, squirming under their blanket like worms.

‘ Wake up before I call your dad. You guys pissed him off when he was called to the principal’s office first day of school ‘

As if they were in a military zone they all hastily start fixing themselves, my heart melt when Eo sleepily walk towards me and gave me a kiss on my cheek. ‘ Good morning Paps! ‘

I don’t want to play favorites but hahaha Eo, my boy always have his way.

‘ Eo!!!! Hurry up and take a bath!!!! ‘ Vin and Cy yelled.

Ah these kids.

\--

The dining room was filled with laughter and stories, the twins were excitedly showing off their uniform while the boys are showering their princess with praises. Morning like this, made me feel sappy and glance at Gun.

‘ what? ‘ he asked touching his face ‘ is there something on my face? ‘

I shake my head and ruffles his hair. ‘ thank you ‘

‘ huh? ‘

I shrugged, he tilted his head whispering. ‘ Random Idiot ‘

That was true I’m an idiot who randomly thank him without context.

* * *

‘ thank you for trusting Smile International Airlines, this is your Captain Jumpol speaking...

WELCOME HOME.. ‘

After professionally ending my captain speech despite of my fist badly trembling out of anger, removing my safety belt harshly, I tossed my aviator headphones. Grabbing a fistful cloth of the sub pilot,

‘ fucking cause trouble like that again and you’ll never have the chance to fly anything for the rest of your life ‘

I warned him, fuck. We almost had an air accident because of the sub pilot’s conceited judgement, back in the days, I look at those accident as challenges, an opportunity for me to act cool, be a hero and save the day. It’s thrilling to have unexpected errors like that, it hones my skill as a captain and boost my ego when I humiliate conceited pricks like me but now that I have Gun along with the kids, even a second I can’t afford to have situations that will cost my life, not now when finally I have someone waiting for me to come home aside from my dad and sister.

I loosened my tie and throw myself to the bed of my assigned hotel room, I searched for my phone and smile calmly when I saw my wallpaper.

It was my first picture of Gun sleeping peacefully in a line with the twins and triplets when I first moved in with them. Whenever random people notice my phone wallpaper, my heart burst in happiness whenever they say,

_‘ Beautiful Family you have there huh ‘_

And I will proudly answer.

_‘ I know. I’m a lucky bastard right? ‘_

‘ Yo! I heard the sub pilot made you angry? ‘

My technique of calming myself was disturbed by Tay who entered my room without warning.

‘ the jerk underestimated the weather and made a very show-off turn ‘

‘ he underestimated the weather? Or maybe he was just trying to impress you? ‘

I rolled my eyes with the way he cockily delivered that question.

‘ he’s not under my care, I’m not exactly his commander, no need to impress me. ‘

‘ well, can’t blame him. It’s a rare opportunity for him to show off his skills in front of his crush? ‘

‘ crush? What are we grade students? ‘ I sarcastically commented.

I stood up and walked beside him as we go on our way to the hotel’s lobby. We only have limited hours in order to rest after both of our last flight since we have a summit few hours from now.

‘ you’re incredibly annoying hahaha! Off, brother just like a wine you taste sweeter as you age ‘

I hit his hand that is exaggeratedly extending side to side and laugh at his silly praise with weird gesture.

‘ what the hell is that suppose to mean? And you sound like a pervert just now hahaha ‘

‘ You’re extremely attractive and more appealing to majority population here in the airlines ever since they get to see your mature side, with you being far serious now, and stop fucking around as much as i hate to admit it, you’re the most wanted man here bud. And anyone would kill just to get your attention ‘

‘ Psh ‘

‘ Besides, everyone here knows you are an actual free man ‘

‘ I’m not—‘

‘ Yes you are, everyone here knows you are trapped in a weird set up with Gun but that’s just it. Technically, you and Gun are not in a relationship ‘

I shrugged yawning.

‘ Still. I’m no longer available ‘ I smirked and he sighed.

‘ because of Gun? again? what a consistent jerk ‘

‘ No. I just really mean.. I’m no longer available ‘ I seriously said smiling

‘ huh? ‘

Two co-pilots blocked my way, one raising 2 wine glass while the other is raising two bottled wines.

‘ Valentine wine Captain? ‘

Ahhhh Valentines.

That’s the reason why I was approached multiple times by the crews and random people that I used to hook up with. I was about to turn down their invitation when Tay commented chuckling.

‘ Now I know what you meant when you said it’s not just about Gun. And you just mean it literally ‘

‘ AHHHHHH STAY AWAY FROM MY PAPA OFF!!!! ‘

‘ SLOW DOWN LIGHT!!!! ‘

I laughed along with him when I heard Light and Life’s voice, I saw them running to my direction behind them are Vin and Cy with their hands inside their pockets coolly making their entrance.

Ah these boys are getting handsome and taller than Gun to my surprise and to his annoyance.

Light hurriedly wrapped her arms around my waist, while Life stood beside me eyeing the co-pilots, who got intimidated and run away.

‘ Wow! Paps! I didn’t know you are this popular huh not bad for an old man ‘ Vin mocked

‘ ah people here are blinded by your uniform, you look pretty ordinary without your captain title you know ‘ Cy criticized me jokingly

‘ Hi Uncle Tay ‘ Eo politely greeted Tay

‘ what are you all doing here?—‘

My mouth automatically closes when I noticed Gun entering the hotel, holding two boxes of Love-bites to-go cake.

‘ daddy said he’s worried you’ll be lonely during valentines ‘ / ‘ daddy said we should comfort your single ass on valentines ‘

Light and Eo answered sweetly smiling at me, chorused by Vin, Cy and Life grinning at me.

‘ Offfff!!! Chocolate or Strawberries? ‘ Gun yelled when he noticed me and the kids, but what caught my eyes when he was up close was the hoodie, he’s wearing.

My airline company gray hoodie that have CAPTAIN OFF words embroidered at the back.

Ah fuck.

My heart just can’t stop racing whenever this guy is around and now with the kids backing him up,

I can’t escape anymore.

I don’t want to.

I am all theirs.


End file.
